Ten Things To Do When Struck With Writer’s Block

I sat down tonight with nothing to write about. Nothing. Maybe it’s been a boring month for me, or maybe I just can’t get the creative juices flowing. But you’re reading this on Friday, and probably not in the mood to read anything too substantial today anyway. So here are ten things you can do if you are having trouble with writer’s block. Or blogger’s block.

  1. Stand outside your apartment building and treat it like an exclusive nightclub. Only let people in the building if they have some cocaine.
  2. Start a Twitter account about how much of a waste of time Twitter is. Update every minute.
  3. Try masturbating to something no one ever masturbates to. Like NBC Nightly News, or a good Somerset Maugham short story.
  4. Call up a relative you haven’t talked to in years and tell them that Uncle Larry died. When they ask “who is Uncle Larry?” yell out “psych!” and hang up the phone.
  5. File your nails and try to re-enact a scene from the movie Barbershop. This is much more fun if you have never seen the movie Barbershop. And probably much more racist.
  6. Sit down backwards when you pee, so that your arms are resting on the toilet tank. You’ll look like Marky Mark from the Funky Bunch. But peeing. Extra points if you do this while singing Good Vibrations.
  7. Learn how to say “I’ll have what she’s having” in three different dead languages.
  8. Play “kill, fuck, or marry” with the The Three Stooges. I guarantee that every time, you’ll end up fucking Larry. And you won’t be that upset about it.
  9. Fill out your census form, but, while writing your information, subtly hit on the census bureau. For example, when they ask how many people live in your apartment, write “two, but there’s always room for one more…”
  10. Write inane blog posts while intoxicated.

Have a great weekend!

2 responses to “Ten Things To Do When Struck With Writer’s Block”

  1. Your Uncle Larry says:

    That’s not funny, Andrew! Didja hear me?