Watching death happen

WARNING: What follows is gross.

I had such an adventure last night! Between two emergency job-related trips (both good possibilities), I only have about 40 hours at home to get everything done. So of course I come home from the first trip and have food poisoning.

To be honest, I didn’t think I could get food poisoning. I’ve not exactly been careful about washing things or verifying their source. I drink raw milk pretty frequently. Surely I would have made myself sick on something before now. But holy God, I had no idea!

The most exciting part was when, after a multiple bout of upward and downward ejections, thinking I was in the clear, I crawled on my hands and knees into the living room, shaking, realizing that my phone was upstairs and I had no way of calling an ambulance. I screamed, but was weak and no one heard me. That’s when all my skin, all over my body, began twitching simultaneously. I thought I was having a seizure. Suddenly, my T-shirt was dripping wet; part of the ejection process is all the sweat coming out at once.

Lying on my living room floor, I was pretty sure I was dying. Then the upwards and downwards started again and I crawled back to the bathroom.

All I could think at that moment was:

(1) I am so glad I live alone so no one has to see this.

(2) Oh my God, this is why people don’t live alone, so they don’t die and someone else can mop up puke for them.

I didn’t die, of course. I feel totally weird and confused, which is not good considering all I have to do before getting on a plane tomorrow, but I am glad I lived. A friend brought me Gatorades today.

8 responses to “Watching death happen”

  1. FPS says:

    Orange, I hope! Orange is the best flavor. Though I wish they still made the clear orange flavor. It tasted exactly the same, but it was clear, so it was like better and shit.

  2. Dave says:

    This sounds awful. Glad you’re alive.

    I believe AWB likes red gatorade. I myself prefer the blue stuff.

  3. Rachel says:

    On the bright side, you were at home. I once had food poisoning on a family vacation to Disneyworld (whatever; I was in grad school, but my brother was only five & thought it was awesome), and it was so lonely and alienating. Oh, and it was such a huge outbreak that the CDC got involved.

    Hope you are feeling better. Some people swear by Pedialyte. It’s grape-flavored, I think.

    p.s. Do you know the culprit?

  4. LP says:

    AWB, I am very glad you survived. Sounds like it was a close call. But now that you made it through this, you will kick the ass of whatever work-related thing you are traveling to! How can it be otherwise?

  5. LP says:

    PS: Green gatorade. Or yellow, whatever. The original.

  6. swells says:

    What a wretched, retching experience. I didn’t know about the sweat convulsion and I hope I never find out. Looks like you’re in good bad company in this experience with a lot of Whatsitters, judging by the comments on this one: The image of you screaming too weakly for anyone to hear is horrific. Glad you’re back from that dark place.

  7. AWB says:

    Rachel: Falafel at Penn Station, I’m sure of it. Horrible experience.

    I did recover. The problem is that I had a huge project to finish for the work-related traveling I am doing at the moment, and I’m going to end up staying up all night to do it because I was too busy almost dying while I was home. Ack! I just don’t want to disappoint anyone.

  8. FPS says:

    D, I know your Gatorade proclivities! I fetched you a bottle of blue in the sixth or seventh hour of World Cup festivities that one day.