Yes, I’ve made it.

As one who considers 35 to be middle-aged (I’ve been past this milestone for seven years now), I’ve wondered when I’d start really feeling it. Sure, there are the physical symptoms, but I’ve had the creaky joints and bad back since I was about 30.  What I mean is, I wasn’t quite sure when I’d really start to emotionally own my middle-agedness.  Well, it seems like the long wait is over.

Please observe exhibit A, submitted to my community newsletter:

Please Be Mindful Of Your Aggressive Dog

It’s happened four times since my wife and I moved to Cal Heights in ’04, two of those times in the last four months.  We’ve been out for an evening stroll with our small dog, when a neighbor leaves his or her front door ajar, not realizing that their much larger and more aggressive dog is about to run out and try to attack.  Luckily (but unfortunately) I’ve become somewhat paranoid when walking through my own neighborhood, and have been super vigilant.  Each time, I’ve scooped my dog up to protect her before she’s become another dog’s chew toy, and every time but once, the other dog’s owner has run out and apologized profusely.

The apologies are fine; I appreciate it when someone acknowledges when they’ve made a mistake.  However, much better than any apology would be if my neighbors would please do their best to keep an eye on their dogs, and make sure that their children or guests haven’t left the door open behind them.

I understand that people get dogs for different reasons, and that some chose larger and more intimidating breeds as protection from perceived threats, but those of us who didn’t make that choice also deserve the peace of mind that we and our smaller dogs are safe in our own neighborhood.

…and exhibit B, addressed to the City of Long Beach:

Dear Sir or Madam,

Generally speaking, members of the public are not thrilled when we receive parking tickets.  Given this (sometimes fraught) relationship, it would seem that employees driving official Parking Enforcement vehicles would be extra careful to follow rules of the road.  Perhaps you’ve heard the saying: people in glass houses shouldn’t throw stones.

This is why I was surprised to see an employee of the City of Long Beach, Parking Enforcement detail (driving car# 10105) talking on a hand-held cell phone at approximately 11:30 while driving South on Orange Ave before the intersection of Wardlow.

I look forward to a response to my concerns.

…and exhibit C? Let’s just say, “There’s an app for that.”  Yes the perfect middle-aged conservation app: with the push of one virtual button, I can narc out my water-wasting neighbors for such infractions as excessive sprinkler overspray, hosing down a driveway, or watering a lawn at the wrong time of day (any time that isn’t between 8PM and 9AM). Oh, the joy this app brings me!

…and as if I needed an exhibit D, you should know that I’ve written these two letters and narced out a neighbor all within a 72-hour period.

See you at the early bird special!

7 responses to “Yes, I’ve made it.”

  1. Stella says:

    This makes me so happy. Can we have a weekly “Dear Sir or Madam” letter on TGW that must be dispatched?

    I am building up to writing to Metro Bus about the bed bugs that attacked me a few weeks ago to ensure they have appropriate cleaning practices in place.

    Want to feel really middle aged? Go see Brian Ferry outside the beltway and hate yourself for thinking you’d experience any inkling of that energy from the 70s.

  2. Tim says:

    Oh, Scotty, this is why I love you so.

    From now on, I’m planning on introducing many a sentence with, “Perhaps you’ve heard the saying . . .”

  3. the Lead Singer says:

    I sincerely hope there will be a follow-up post with the respective responses.

    This, plus your screed on the faux-patriotic flags stuck in your yard by real estate agents = delicious.

  4. the Lead Singer says:

    Ha! Ha! I’m the Lead Singer, yo.

  5. sg says:

    Thanks for the love, Mr/Ms Singer. I’ll let you all know when there’s some news.

  6. Stella says:

    I’m so glad the Lead Singer has found a home at TGW. When is F-Stop going to be released?

  7. jeremy says:

    Aw, Scotty, you are the most adorable middle-aged narc of all time…

    (though the aggressive-dog stories really make me want to write my own letter.)