This weekend, we hosted a baby shower for a very good friend from school. In a last pre-baby hurrah, the mom-to-be finagled a day off and declared the shower would continue in the desert. It was the kind of spontaneous trip we used to do quite a bit, but haven’t in ages. We tossed our swimsuits into our red patent leather bags and tossed those in the trunk of her car and we were off!
We weaved our way through the Coachella caravans til we reached a place in the desert with a tiled-bird-bottomed pool. (For incredible desert pics, there is this spectacular post from last week).
Three of us are here now, by the birdy pool, three women who have known each other for twelve years: through roachy apartments, flea markets, break-ups, weddings. Tony Soprano might feel for many reasons that “‘Remember When’ is the lowest form of communication,” yet, we have been rejuvenated talking about our pasts while preparing for this baby’s future. The stories are unremarkable, except to us: other showers we have given, showers we have passed out in, showers that have stalled our leaky oily cars. And while time has permeated our bodies, time has not wrinkled our stories; through them, we can forever be 25, where our biggest worries were making rent and coming up with a Halloween costume that would top last year’s.
The shared history has been something we can always return to, even after periods where we each have gone off on our own separate storylines. Our stories create us, they create an “us,” they thicken the sinews tying us together.
We do this every day on this website. We have, with chunks of gratitude to the editors, created a shared history here in cyberspace, a community of collective joy that has become a daily check-in for lots of folk. I know I miss the fix when I can’t get it.
Maybe it’s the tequila talking, or maybe it’s having the luxury of a teeny break in the routine, but it’s been a gift to have these hours to actually stop and tell each other how much we have meant to each other over the years, as Big Events prompt you to do.
I am so thankful for these women in my life, and so thankful for this. Yes, I am thankful for you.
And my beautiful friend’s son-to-be needs a name! Any great ideas for a boy’s name?
The perfect name for a boy……Marley
Wyatt would be a close second. :)
Hmm, baby as great whatsit?
I have a million thoughts running through my head–starting with cute top!!
I think I always appreciated this notion of a community that defines, shapes and shares our stories, but I had no idea how essential until geography has split me off from my most core confidants. It feels more than the usual and perhaps trite “loneliness”, it feels like I have become unknown, almost invisible except for what can be seen on the surface. Our people give us weight, we see the person we were and are and could be in their arched eybrow or wry grin. They know our stories better than we do because they know the version we tell them and the verion they live with us. Words are sometimes a poor substitute to the clink of two taquila glasses under the desert sun, but I agree wholehearted, in a pinch it is refreshing.
How lucky you are to be where you are right now!! Thank you for reminding us of our own “sinews” of connection, beautiful post.
WW-
This is a really beautiful post. I am with you, I don’t care what Tony Soprano says, I like the occasional “Remember when…” discussions.
Yuppie hubby: See anything you like on the wine list?
Wifey: I look for potential baby names whenever I read a wine list. Oooh, ‘Spencer’ — that’s a good one!
Taken from Overheard in New York (excursions)
My favorite boy’s name to suggest: Ruud. Strangely, nobody has taken me up on it yet, but I really do like it. Yes, it has homonyms that are a bit suggestive: rude and rood. All the same, it’s got oomph when pronounced, and if you’re a fan of proper football, great history, too.
Lotsa luck convincing Jen with that one.
Ruud?
Um, no.
Go with the classics; names like William and James are solid…and never name a baby under the influence of tequila.
There should be a moratorium on John and Jennifer, and throw in Britney while we’re at it.
Yeah, I get a lot (and I mean a lot) of students named Britney/ Brittany/ Brittanie/ Britni/ whatever, and I always feel so bad when they’re really serious and smart. It’s not their fault (or even their parents’)–she was still a Mouseketeer when they were born (though if that’s where the parents got it, it’s their own fault). Could have been a nice name, at least in its non-cutesey, geographically spelled format.
A glance down my student roster tells me that the names Megan and Ashley are played out.
While we’re at it:
a ban on Kaitlyn/Caitlin, Isabelle, Sophie, Max/Alex/Zach, Dylan, Emily, and Jed.
I’m sure I’ve just offended somebody. If you feel miffed, be assured that THIS DOES NOT APPLY TO YOUR KID.
Teachers must be among the worst for naming kids, every name I have thrown out to a friend of mine causes him to roll his eyes and say “Oh no, you can’t give your child that name, why I had one of those a couple of years ago who…”
Skip that chapter in Freakonomics, go easy on the wine labels, and don’t listen to Wager (his kid will end up writing a song about him for sure).
The great thing about all of the potential names is that whichever one your friend ends up choosing will be the perfect one.
Cheesy, but true.
Now let me brag and note how little sympathy I have for people who have to struggle to come up with only one name at a time.
The only “game” at the shower was for everyone to put a few name suggestions into a big mason jar. While there were a few “normal” names (“Sam,” “Martin”), other selections included “Tattoo,” “Ricardo,” “Burton Levar,” “Spottywine” and “Dexter Ramona” — that last one also being the names of the five-year-olds who suggested it. Whenever it comes to naming, I always think of the Ursula K LeGuin story, “She Unnames Them” but suspect we cannot leave all the children nameless.
>Now let me brag and note how little sympathy I have for people who have to struggle to come >up with only one name at a time.
That’s why George Foreman named all 5 of his sons George.
I’m expecting right now too and I love coming up with name suggestions.
Names to ban:
Anything that rhymes with “Aden”: Caden, Brayden, Hayden, Aiden, etc. I don’t know what the deal is where I live, but I swear every kid born this year, boy or girl, is some variation on “Aden”.
Our favorites: (we like the classics, generally grandparents’ names)
Dean Calvin
Edward
I like the name Ivan, but my husband won’t go for it because of Ivan the Terrible.
When two of my sisters were pregnant, these were some of the suggestions thrown around by my family (though there are some I don’t personally endorse):
Oscar
unisex names from the 60s and 70s: jeri/jerry, tony/toni, kelly, jody, etc.
Sanford
Monty
Bruce
Paul
Oliver
And lastly, we both like the name Vladimir, but I don’t know if we’d ever have the guts to use it. But wouldn’t Vlad be the coolest nickname ever?
cmb! swell suggestions. Haven’t heard Monty in years. Let us know what you guys decide.
Ruben, what names did you pick? How did you pick ’em? (and yes, you are wise and right — whatever name she chooses will rock).
ooh. i have to endorse jody. esp for a boychild.
also, montgomery –> monty would be cool.
i agree with classics, too. and i have a friend who went through a stack of old ska records looking at names of musicians and came up with desmond. like it.
Wendy, thanks for asking but the process wasn’t all that notable other than that we actually got to/had to factor in what multiple names would sound like in conjunction with each other. We were able to come up with a number of choices that we both liked for our daughter’s name but the boys took more time, with one strong candidate needing an equally good match.
The identical twin factor was there as well, you want to give them their own identity but could only pretend so much given that they were each other’s doppledanger.
We did have a number of potential names (some of them listed above) but we struggled with the proper balance. For example, if we named one kid Marcello and the other one Graham how would I explain when one turned to me and asked “how come he got the cool name?
Mmmmmm. So what names did you finally choose?
At work we had a kid (last name similiar to Johnson) with eight siblings. His name (I kid you not) was Justin Other Johnson.
I may have lost all credibility with my earlier suggestion, but I have to second Bryan’s votes for Jody for a boy and Montgomery (as in Clift). Also, I have a soft spot for Julius, who could be familiarly called Julie, just like John Garfield was.
i’m entering a little late into this conversation, but i think it’s interesting how many good names are completely spoiled for me due to unpleasant people bearing them. for instance, i used to love the name oliver, but then i babysat an oliver: he completely confirmed the redheaded-boy stereotype. once upon a time melissa was a bitch (i bet she still is), so i cringe every time i hear that one.
this can, very rarely for me, go the other way. i never really thought much of the name claire, but ever since six feet under i’ve been in love with it (and her). i babysat a girl named sage who was amazing, so i like that one now too. and cmb, i think unisex names are pretty great… i never thought of jody for a boy, but i really like that as well.
Hey, Miller, I understand if you’d like to stay relatively anonymous and all, but you mentioned living in LA, going to shows at the Troubadour, and having an advanced copy of the new Great Northern. So, I just keep wondering if I know you. Or perhaps you’re friends with some of the other GWers… (I get curiouser and curiouser each time I see one of your comments–which are always great and much-appreciated, by the way…)
Haha. Jeremy, you’ve just made me realize that I’ve done a very poor job of staying anonymous. In answer to your question, no, we don’t know each other. I did go to OCC and have heard great things about you from other students, but never had the pleasure of taking one of your classes. You can probably use your critical thinking skills to see who I know. Not close friends or anything, just a former student who stumbled across this site. The internet is a strange thing; I didn’t want to make anyone uncomfortable with my lurking skills(I’ll admit it; i google people), hence the anonymous status. Looks like I should probably give up my anonymity soon — it’s only fair. As for Great Northern, I dont know them personally, I just try to stay up on local music, and I’m obsessed with music in general.
Anyway, thank you–it’s nice to hear that my thought are appreciated!
aha. well, no, you’re still anonymous in my book, miller.
and btw, rachel, from great northern, went to OCC, too…
So Marleyfan, word on the (Defamer) street is that Sheryl Crow just named her baby Wyatt. (I think Brangelina have trademarked Marley somehow).
W2,
You’ve got me a wonderin’ about your own name. Is W2-
1. The son/daughter of “W”?
2. Are you an IRS agent?
3. Your first and last name start with W?
4. You love M&M’s?
…. and the winner is…. “Nathan.” And he is perfect and lovely.