For the last 20 years or so (since moving to Southern California for high school), I have been a fan of professional basketball—specifically The Los Angeles Lakers, a team that, later tonight, will either end up winning their 256th championship or losing to the hated Boston Celtics (who could go on to win their 257th championship). Since the NBA’s inception in 1946, these two teams have accounted for 122% of the league’s championships.
But, for a variety of reasons, I’m having a hard time rooting for my supposedly favorite team these days. Part of the problem is that being a Lakers fan is the basketball equivalent of rooting for the Yankees. They always have the best players, they always win, and it seems entirely shameful to want them to win again and again and again. Plus, their best player is a guy named Kobe Bryant, who is pretty odious, in my opinion, mostly because he does this all the time:
(Well, and then there’s that whole rape accusation, which Los Angelenos like to conveniently forget.)
Of course, rooting for the Celtics is not really an option either, since they’ve won their fair share as well.
Still, my biggest problem rooting for any team is that I have a somewhat conflicted attitude toward sports and my own identity as a “fan,” since I generally (and perhaps rather unfairly) associate athletes and fans with particular type of idiotic zealotry that seems generally embarrassing and worth avoiding:
But I still read the sports page every day without fail, and I “play” in a (sigh) fantasy basketball league (yes, there’s a trophy and everything), and I actually like to memorize players’ stats and read about trades and behind-the-scenes feuds and whatnot.
However, here’s what’s interesting about my experience as a fan; I don’t actually like watching sports all that much. It’s pretty boring, really. Basketball, for instance, is back and forth, back and forth, mostly the same plays over and over and over again, 82 games a year (not including the playoffs, of course). Maybe there’s some excitement in the last two minutes of the game, but not usually. Honestly, I’d rather just read about it in the newspaper the next day. In fact, in some ways, my love of sports coincides and is entirely fed by my love of reading—it’s all just one long, never-ending narrative, a rather simplistic yet entirely satisfying soap opera that, year after year, maintains the same storylines and characters, just with different actors and, year to year, less-interesting costumes.
(Seriously, the 70’s were the glory years for sports costuming, no?)
But the real reason I’m having a hard time rooting for my team these days is far less complicated than all that. What I really dread is the ridiculous parade that will come directly through my newly adopted neighborhood of downtown LA:
Not to mention the inevitable rioting, win or lose:
It’s enough to make anyone swear off sports forever. (By the way, how is it that jubilance and violence become one and the same in these instances?)
As I mentioned, the deciding Game 7 is tonight. I think I’ll sit this one out, though, and maybe hang out with a cute girl instead, which seems a lot more fun than putting on a jersey, slathering on some purple face paint, and smashing up some cars, no?
How about it? Any of you plan on watching?
It’s nice to read you again, J. August. I’m whole-heartedly a Laker fan, and I, too, am having a hard time getting exercised about this game 7. Seriously, how will the world be any different if the Lakers win? Other than more destruction than if they lose, I can’t tell you. Of course, if the Celtics win, why, that would be bad too. I wish the Lakers were playing the Cavs. At least I’d be able to support a ring for Lebron James. As it is, feh.
Also, tell us more about this cute girl. . .
P.S. That photo of the guy holding up the moron sign is hilarious.
Definitely watching, and cheering for the Celtics, because (a) Kobe Bryant is, in fact, odious, and (b) RB is from MA and so is a Celtics fan.
I wish I liked the Lakers, as the NBA team in my previous place of residence (go, Weezards!) were terrible for years. But of course, now that I’ve left DC, the Weezards are getting a future superstar in the number one draft pick; the hapless Natinals (yes, their jerseys really said that for one game) are hot, with the most exciting pitcher in baseball; the ever-maddening Redskins have one of my favorite QBs (McNabb); and the hockey team has the most charismatic player in the NHL. I endured years of agony as a DC sports fan, I move away – and now this? Sheesh.
AND: I hate the Lakers and LA has no NFL team. At least we have the Dodgers. Go Dodgers! Though I still find it hard to cheer for them when they play the Nats.
Go the World Cup.
Anyone got a vuvusela? Honk! Saw someone from a philharmonic orchestra play one as if it were a trombone, and it sounded… beautiful. Huh.
I am sorry, I’m gonna sound like a moron (don’t ask me how, that guy is clearly better than me) — the world is not “gonna be different,” if the Lakers win (it’s gonna be wonderful like always), BUT it will be different, if they lose. I am a fan and I’m watching… also, hanging out with a cute guy and watching would be fun, in fact, I’m gonna try doing that tonight. If the Lakers win, we might wanna go to the Parade after, and moonwalk a whole bunch of cars.
i’m sorry, but didn’t you mean supposably?
“there’s a trophy and everything.”
Hmm. “Everything.” Exactly how much “everything” in current US dollars does someone win if their phantasy basketball team becomes the champion, say, in June 2010. Anywhere near $400? Are my math skills defective, Mr. Gold Trophy Zitter?
Also, idiotic zealotry. Ah c’mon. Don’t be so pussy feathers. It’s really gotta be some kinda crazy fun. Face paint, smashing things. Don’t those people look happy? Although, pretty girls do trump most black-face vandalism. Hope you’re having a good night. I really enjoyed this post. My best to you and that cute girl!
Ha, yes, $400 sounds about right… But it’s really all about the trophy. And the glory. (For the record, I ended up watching the last 3 minutes with aforementioned cute girl. And then we listened to the helicopters and sirens for the next 4 hours…)
Uh . . . yay Lakers?!
Totally. (Um, like, woohoo?)