Archive for March, 2006

Judgmentcitos: Very short reviews

By popular demand, in less than 100 words, but words with just one or two letters don’t count. This time, we range over more than just record albums.


I was in the gym the other day, bored as usual, perched on a machine that faces the front door. I like this spot because if my reading material fails me I can watch people come and go. I compare figures, look at outfits, marvel at the age ranges and varying levels of commitment. This […]


This is part three of my series documenting the demolition of the first floor of our house. Welcome back!! Just in case someone out there can’t remember my last two posts verbatim, this is what the space looked like when we started:


Lately, I’ve been thinking about this memory I have. It’s incredibly fuzzy, but there it is: I’m at Disneyland. I’m maybe five or six years old. After going on the usual kid-rides—It’s a Small World and the like—my father decides that I’m ready for the next step, “a big-boy ride.” At Disneyland in the late […]

Hot cuisine

I’m sure more than one person has gotten academic tenure for writing about the cultural significance of pre-packaged, quick-preparation foods in post-World War II America. I can’t tell you much about that. But as a single guy and a lazy son of a bitch I’ve eaten my fair share of these mediocre staples, and as […]

Four bar jokes

1. A man walks into a bar and says, “Ouch.”

AttenCHUN!: My New York City neighborhoods

I’m looking over at the old desktop computer I purchased in Mesa, AZ, when I was 16 years old. That thing’s been all over the country and all over the city with me. My mom shipped it to Spanish Harlem, Lane and Bryan moved it to Bushwick, and my ex-girlfriend Amanda moved it to Gowanus […]

First love

I was 16 and the only boyfriend I had dated was the heir to a jam (read jelly) empire who kissed like a pug. All I remember was saliva. Attending a Catholic girl’s school, not having brothers, and living 20 miles from my friends due to my parents’ divorce were impediments to dating, and I […]

Dear Cedric

Dear Cedric, When I’m having sex at the gym, should I do it before or after my workout? Sincerely, Jake G.