When I could drive no further, when the vast expanse of the Pacific stopped my westward journey, I came to rest in Berkeley, Ca. My first apartment was a tiny, dark, dank shithole on the northside of Berkeley. The building was owned by a soon-to-be nefarious international slavetrader/pimp/slumlord called Lakireddy Bali Reddy. The building sucked. In the most beautiful, sunny, cheery place one could dream of, my apartment had no windows, no ventilation, and only occasional hot water.

But none of that mattered to me. I was in Berkeley, California! I moved out here mostly because I wanted to – I loved the weather, the scenery and the life style. In my mid twenties, I was a radical intellectual (in my mind, if not my heart), yet I hadn’t found any radical thinkers or ideas that truly resonated with our contemporary predicament.

Naively, I imagined I would find fresh ideas in this hotbed of leftist ideology. I even knew where to look when I got here: the cafes of Berkeley and San Francisco. Ha ha. I arrived here February 17th, 1999. It was not yet March when I truly understood how wrong I was about this. Indeed, one of the first casualties of my life in California was my intellectual idealism. Gone was radicalism, revolution, anarchy. In was pragmatism, political moderation, even a touch of conservatism. I could waste your time describing my youthful political machinations, but I won’t. Suffice to say that black and white became shades of gray. A year or two later, I moved across the bay to San Francisco, and have lived a life I never would have imagined or could have lived in my previous environs.

The point of my post isn’t to talk about me and how I’ve changed living here. I want to pay brief homage to this magical place. I’ve been here for ten years, and a week has not passed where I don’t marvel at my great fortune to live in this city, region and state. I’m serious. I fucking love this place. There is something about the way the rolling hills meet the water, the crisp blue of the sky, the contrast of the shadows, the way the fog pushes into the bay and shrouds the city, the smells and sounds of this place.

I am a single man, but I know what love is. Love is being willing to die for your lover, even when she is pissing down rain and throwing nasty crack whores at you every half block. Love is being grateful for another day with the life you have. Love is being unable to express your gratitude in words and gestures, no matter how hard you try. Love is pulling away, but coming back again. Love is declaring your love, in public, and perpetuity for all to hear and record.

That’s how I feel about where I live. I have my gripes and criticisms about this city, but I fucking love this place. I was at dinner earlier tonight, and was expressing my affection for this city to a total stranger. He responded rather wryly, “well, look at you and your civic pride.” Indeed. But, ten years on, I can say it’s all true. This is my city, and I love it unconditionally. Is that weird? If so, you clearly don’t live here you poor, pathetic bastard!!

SF Photos from friends on Flickr:

SF Night lights

Theo In The Sun

copyright Willotoons LLC

These hearts irritate the crap out of me.

SF Sunrise

I have done the ultimate cross country trip, moving out to New York and back to my beloved San Francisco in a matter of months.  I flipped the proverbial bitch, in a continental fashion. It’s a long story there, one that I’m not interested in sharing at the moment.  But I can say with certainty that I’m back where I belong and can’t wait to get to it here in SF.

In the world at large this year, we watched Barack Obama take the presidency (yay!), gas prices peak at over $5/gal, and drop to under $2/gal in some places, gay people granted the constitutional right to marry in California, and then subsequently, inexcusably, stripped of that right by the usually sage people of California (prop 215, eh?), the stock market lose 40% of its value, and several financial giants fold like Origami (minus the art or skill, of course).  We’ve seen food riots and cholera outbreaks, a remarkable array of sex and money scandals (Spitzer, Madoff & Blagojevich, oh my!), the return of real-life sea pirates and the explosion of social networking tools into nearly every segment of society. And that’s just a desultory list that comes to mind.

It’s been a year of enormous change and tumult. A crazy, up and down, eventful year.  On balance, we’ve seen plenty of bad, but things are looking up. We’re turning the corner on an eight year national nightmare, and I’m so elated I can’t even express it.  Every time I hear “President-elect Barack Obama” I want to kiss somebody.  But yo. I’m ready for tomorrow.

Let’s stick a fork in this fat bastard of a year, people!  Good riddance, crazy eights, don’t let the door hit you on the way out.  And send me my money too. You’ve got my new address – my fourth or fifth (depending on how you count) this year. And you can take this goddamned pot belly back too, and the syphilis (that’s what she said!).  Ahem.  That last part was a joke, about the syphilis. Seriously.

When I look back, I truly hope 2008 will be the year that marked the beginning of something new, different and better.  I say this not only in the national sense, but in a personal sense too. And as I look forward, I look forward to working harder and being a better person and a better citizen than I was last year, and the years preceding it. As Obama said in his acceptance speech, “What we’ve already achieved gives us hope for what we can and must achieve tomorrow.” Bring on tomorrow!

Happy New Year everyone, and long live the Great Whatsit!!!

The Color Blue is so pretty!

Click here to view the embedded video.

So too, the color brown!

I’m not leaving San Francisco because of the forest fires, but lately it seems as though SF is getting smoked out in a way it is not accustomed to. The city is hecka smoky, and in the mornings, when the fog usually keeps us cool and oblivious to the outside world, we’re getting choked out by the smoke from the fires burning to the south, east and north. So as I leave my apartment of nearly seven years (and my city of nearly 10), it’s as though I’m escaping the relative safety of the city to take my chances in the fires that consume our immediate environs, and the unknowns that lie beyond.

I’m traveling in a rented Suzuki with my self described “lady friend” Kelly and my cat Theo. I had no worries about traveling with Kelly, but I was a bit worried about Theo.

Theo seems to have settled in just fine.

We’re fully tricked out on this trip: GPS, 4 iPods, two Macs, two cell phones, and a PC for good measure.

Plus the aforementioned attack cat. Paws that kill.

And looks that kill too.

Day 1

From SF, we took I-80 across the Bay Bridge, through Sacramento and into Nevada. The first night we crashed in a quality establishment called the Val-U Inn Motel in Winnemucca, NV. Recommended if you like fleas, smoke, fuzzy TV and no Internets.

Day 2

We passed through Utah on a Sunday, which I highly recommend if you’re a tee-totaling Morman, but would suggest skipping if you aren’t. In Salt Lake, we took a left and headed north on the I-15 into Idaho.

Day 3

Day three brought us into the heart of our trip. Done with the ‘escape’ from California, and through Nevada and Utah, we were eager to check out the beautiful country in Idaho, Wyoming and South Dakota. As this photo suggests, Kelly likes really giant things. Oh behave!!!

Later that day, we passed through Grand Teton National Park and Jackson.

In the afternoon, we entered Yellowstone.

Right after I snapped this picture, Jesus, Mary and Gandhi came walking up to me and told me they loved me. I told them I loved them back and then we hugged. I told them if they really loved me, I’d see a moose in the next 5 hours.

I have full coverage on my car and all the belongings inside. I tried to get this bison to bum rush my car, but to no avail. Evidently, “sissy” is not an insult in Yellowstone.

One of the most beautiful sites in Yellowstone, Artist Point. Made more fetching, of course, by the Greatwhatsit T-Shirt I’m rocking.

Day 4

After Yellowstone, we made our way east on the 14 through Bighorn National Park, which I highly recommend. It is scenic and quiet and well worth the countless “point of interest” scenic view turnouts along the way. Best quote from Bighorn (as I relieved myself on the side of the road): “Ooh, look this mini-van is going to pull over and check out my point of interest!”

Towards sunset, we made our way into South Dakota and headed over to check out Mount Rushmore. It would be downright unpatriotic to take a road trip through the South Dakota and not check out these 4 dead white dudes. And with the exception of Teddy (who I don’t really care about), these guys are awesome, and here they are, carved in granite!!

But let me warn you: Mount Rushmore is like a fat, middle American petting zoo; and if you get here around sunset, be prepared for a major league patriotic cluster fuck the likes of which you will never see again in real life. I do not kid.

Clock it: Kelly and I arrived around 7:30. We planned to snap a few photos and bounce, but low and behold we were told to stick around for the “lighting ceremony” where they turn on the lights after the sun sets. A “lighting ceremony, what?” How could we miss that?

So we settled in amongst our country men and women, ate ice cream cones wrapped in the American flag napkins, and waited to witness this splendiferous display. What we did not realize (but should have predicted) was that such an event would occasion an expression of patriotism the likes of which would kill the average man.

We waited until 9:00PM, when it was good and dark. At that point, a perky female park ranger bounced onto the ampitheater stage below the monument to lead us in the pledge of allegiance. Following the pledge, it was time for a trivia session regarding the four presidents (“Which president hired a person (i.e. bought a slave) to brush the teeth of his white horses?”) . And then the fun got going.

Our jolly park ranger began recounting the many good qualities of America. Freedom, Liberty, the Pursuit of Happiness. She described the two most prominent milestones in American History: the moon landing, and the 9/11 attacks. And then, my beloved readers, she burst into fucking song. And not just any song. She burst into “God Bless the USA.” And then she bounced off stage.

Following this 10 minute inspirational speech and song, we were treated to a 20 minute video memorializing the memorial in front of us. Nowhere but in America would we be so fortunate to be able to sit in this beautiful natural setting, with nature all around us, and watch a video describing how beautiful the nature around us was! And it gets better. The video did a spot on job of summing up our nation’s history in a nice clean nutshell. We were treated to such lovely distortions as “and thus began a series of events that eventually led to a significant reduction in the population of the Native people.”

You think I’m making this shit up, but here’s a video collage to prove it:

Click here to view the embedded video.

And then the lights finally shone upon our beloved Presidents. They would be so proud!

We’re in Rapid City tonight. Tomorrow we’ll reach Minneapolis, then onwards to Chicago on Thursday. We hope to land in Philadelphia on Friday or Saturday. For more photos, visit my flickr stream for the trip, which I’ll keep updated with photos from this fanciful trip through our beautiful and flawed nation.

This research was fascinating and challenging on many different levels, but the pay wasn’t that great and, to be honest, I became fairly jaded about what sort of impact my work was having on anyone’s life. After a year and a half, I switched up my priorities, moved to SF and started working on far less interesting projects for far more money. See the illustration below:

That spike in income (and dip in interest) around 2001 is when I made the move from health care to finance. When the income flatlines around 2003, that’s grad school. Clearly I was engaged in my work at that time, but also racking up the debt. The point here is that I’d like to see that “Interest in Work” line stronger, even if it means my income dips a bit. After ten years of working in the corporate world, I’m finding that my initial happiness with a fat paycheck is ebbing. I need a mission in my life, as my uncle would say.

So this year I started taking on projects that are a bit more meaningful, but not very lucrative. For example, my work with the Obama campaign (discussed here):

Working on this campaign has really underscored my need to work on projects I believe in. Obama’s call to action, to get involved and effect positive change, has certainly spurred me along. But it’s no secret how I feel about him (Click on the chart for a larger image).

At any rate, that work is starting to wind down a bit, and I’m looking for another project. Yesterday I was in yoga class and the instructor mentioned that there is a Yoga Challenge starting May 1st. The challenge is to do 30 or 60 consecutive days of Bikram Yoga, and raise money for a cause. Kind of like a Team In Training deal, but instead of running or biking, you’re sweating your ass off and stretching out.

The cause this year is Larkin Street Youth Services, a local non-profit organization dedicated to getting street kids off the street and pointed in the right direction. If you’ve been to SF, you know there are tons of little street rats running around (about 5,700 according to Larkin Street), often jacked up on meth, dropped out of school, and basically going in a very bad direction.

If you’ve known me for a while, you know I was basically going in this direction in high school, and if it wasn’t for a couple of solid teachers and grown ups, and a bit of luck, I might not have seen my way through it. So I have a personal story that aligns with this program, and I walk past one of the offices every day on my way to yoga, and of course see the kids on the street.

Here are some statistics from the pamplet I picked up yesterday in class (can you tell I’m enjoying playing with Google Charts? Click on the chart for a larger image.)









So the organization is a good one, the Yoga Challenge is daunting but fun (I really like that studio and the people there, so spending 1.5 hours with them every day for a month is hardly a bad thing). Once I sign up and get the details on donations, I’ll be soliciting everyone I know to contribute. I might even post a comment back here linking to more information. No pressure, of course. This isn’t the ‘mission’ I mentioned above, but it’s something I can do to improve the lives of others, while doing something very healthy and positive for myself, so what the hell? Fighting the good fight…

Over time, the playlist morphed from a list of tracks to an actual live DJ set, and it also went meta. I was no longer really thinking about any relationship in particular, but rather relationships in general; and the processes that seem so universal to seeking out one’s soul partner. The dating, getting to know someone, the falling in love, the fighting, the making up, the falling out of love, and ultimately determining whether this is a lifetime project, or something to wrap up and let go.

The track list has changed drastically from where it started, and I have to admit that while there is a solid theme running through the set, I made several editorial decisions that favored flow over theme. The full track listing is at the bottom of this post, but my “liner notes” relate to the thematic organization of the overall set and the story line, rather than the specific tracks. The mix speaks mostly for itself, so I’ll keep my comments brief.

Download Today’s Thursday Mix

The Breaks – Liner Notes

• Intro: 00:00 ~ 6:30
  • This is the first, scintillating part of dating, after the initial awkwardness (not that I’m awkward), and before any relationship starts. It’s basically a crush, with the potential for more. In the story told in this mix, this all precedes the first night spent together.
• Through: 6:31 – 15:32
  • Falling in love is always a thrilling experience, wrought as it is with so many different emotions: excitement, happiness, hopefulness, trust, lust, etc. You’re still getting to know each other, and are probably beginning to imagine a life together.
• Down: 15:33 – 20:30
  • In this story, the relationship is beginning to sour. Something doesn’t feel right, and one of the people starts realizing that things might not work out quite as he or she intended. Depending on the intensity of the relationship, this can be a tough time. It’s as though the breakup has started, but neither party realizes it yet.
• Up: 20:31 – 28:29
  • This is when it can get ugly, with both sides potentially having hurt feelings and what not. This part of the cycle is the one that gets a lot of attention. This is when people get all mopey, sit around in they underwear and listen the Smiths and eat ice cream. A lot of sad, powerful music is created around the Breakup. It’s fertile ground. In this story, it gets about 8 minutes of airtime, and the emotions range from sarcastic, to anger, to sadness, to acceptance.
• Out: 28:29 – onwards
  • This story/mix has alternate endings. One is that both parties have moved on in their separate lives. This is the one that I chose, because the over all theme of the mix is a relationship that ends. But the “out” phase could also represent a couple going off into the sunset together, having resolved the issues confronted in previous phases. This is my favorite part of the mix, because the music works well together, and the energy is positive. Plus, any opportunity I have to play the Specials is a good one.

Them’s the Breaks, kids! Hope you enjoyed them.

Track Listing*:

1. Frank Sinatra – Intro
2. The Coup – Bullets & Love
3. Missy Elliot – Work It
4. Maxwell – Get to Know Ya/Andre 3000 – Where are my panties?
5. Andre 3000 – Prototype
6. Mary J. Blige – Grown Woman
7. Handsome Boy Modeling School (feat. Cat Power) – I’ve Been Thinking/The Sound of Music – So Long, Farewell
8. Public Enemy – She Watched Channel Zero
9. Bob Marley – She’s Gone
10. Bob Marley (Yes King Remix) – Sun is Shining
11. Leftfield – Release The Pressure/Nithyashree – Shiva Shakti
12. Wax Tailor – Que Sera
13. The Specials – You’re Wondering Now/Jeru the Damaja – Statik

* You might notice that nearly all of these tracks are from at least a year ago. This is because I desperately need some new music, so recommendations are welcome!