My name is Jeremy, and I’m an addict.
I tried to deny this fact as long as humanly possible, making excuses, constructing elaborate justifications. But I continued to feed my addiction, and now I’ve lost any ability to control it.
My problem began when I watched the first DVD of the television show Freaks and Geeks about two years ago. I had never heard of the show, smugly proud that I didn’t really watch TV and didn’t even have cable. But someone told me the show was wonderful, and it was. Too wonderful. I ordered all of the other disks from my dealer-of-choice, Netflix. I’m pretty sure I cried during the final episode, when “freak” Daniel DeSario plays his first-ever game of Dungeons & Dragons with the “geeks,” saving the day in dramatic fashion when the character he’s role-playing, a dwarf named Paco, rescues the team from certain death. I devoured all 18 episodes in a few days and felt bereft when the DVDs trickled out and I was left watching the extras and outtakes. I had become personally invested in the characters’ lives. Sam and Bill and Neil were my friends. Mr. Rosso was my guidance counselor.
But when reality inevitably hit, I felt so sheepish for caring so much about a friggin’ TV show. And if I had realized that F&G was merely a gateway to more serious back-alley substances, I might’ve had the strength to stop right then and there.
But, of course, I didn’t, which brings me here, to step one: admitting that I am powerless over my addiction.
So, here goes. I’m addicted not merely to television, but to DVDs of entire seasons of TV shows. I need my habit fed just about every day, and sometimes several times a day, which ironically is why I never became dependent on regular TV—I’m too impatient to wait for the next episode. Instead, I need to watch four or five episodes at a time, feeding my need whenever withdrawal kicks in. Thus, when my stash of DVDs runs out and a show ends, I simply hunt around for a stronger fix, another season’s worth of episodes of some newer and trashier show.
In the interest of full disclosure, here are the highs and lows of my addiction. The biggest highs come from the good stuff, the pharmaceutical-grade programs that are so perfectly, cleanly addictive that you almost forget you have a problem. Here are my favorite fixes, in descending order:
1. Freaks & Geeks: Quite simply, the best show ever. If there were unlimited episodes, I’m pretty sure I’d have to quit my job. Or at least go on a very lonnnng sabbatical.
2. Six Feet Under: After I watched the most heartbreaking series finale of all time, I couldn’t function for a month. (Caution: spoiler ahead!) Why oh why couldn’t they all live forever? My one consolation: it’s normal to sink into a deep depression when your favorite characters die, right? (I’ll always love you, Claire!)
3. Curb Your Enthusiasm: Except for perhaps Todd Solondz, no one else generates nervous, guilty laughter from an audience like Larry David. Apparently, I love laughing nervously. And maybe I have some guilt issues to deal with. What does that say about me?
4. Lost: The first time I saw this runaway hit, I planned to watch the pilot episode in bed before going to sleep. Six or seven hours later, the sun started peeking through my blinds, and I realized I had watched eight straight episodes. I’m pretty sure the show’s title refers to its effect on viewers. And I know I’m not the only one who wants to find out why that statue has four toes. Seriously, I’m not sure I even count this as part of my addiction. I can’t really be faulted for succumbing to TV voodoo.
5. Nip/Tuck: The most trashy, deliciously guilty pleasure on TV. And that one kid, the son, reminds me of Michael Jackson.
6. Deadwood: It’s not Shakespeare (why does everyone like calling it Shakespearean?), but it is pretty compelling. Incidentally, the characters say “fuck” and “fucking” and “motherfucker” and “cocksucker” a lot, which only feeds my other addiction, to profanity. A double-whammy! (But what’s the deal with all of that Yankton nonsense?)
7. Wonderfalls: Apparently, this show only lasted about four episodes before someone pulled the plug, but some perverse dealer-type decided to release all of the unaired episodes on DVD. With a sort of Northern Exposure sensibility, the show follows the adventures of an Ivy-league-educated girl-misfit, who works as a gift-shop clerk and talks to inanimate objects that, in turn, tell her what to do. Maybe I’m also addicted to cute, hallucinating girl-misfits.
8. Arrested Development: Another show with a title that seems appropriate to my addiction. Following the show’s slow-and-inevitable march toward cancellation has been torturous. I imagine it was sort of like being an alcoholic right before prohibition. No, no, no! I need it!
9. Entourage: This show’s main characters are complete loser-leeches who attach themselves to their up-and-coming Hollywood actor-friend. These guys are so pathetic! Oh geez … who am I to talk? I need to get a fucking life.
10. Undeclared: Ditto on the getting-a-life thing.
Alas, I wish it all ended there. While you could easily argue that these shows aren’t so great to begin with (or worth watching, even), it gets much worse past my top ten. That’s why I also need to admit my dependence on shows like Alias (seasons 1-3), House: M.D., Veronica Mars, Little Britain, The Shield, Grey’s Anatomy, Rescue Me, Las Vegas, Laguna Beach: The Real O.C., Firefly … should I keep going? These lows include a full-on chick show (Grey’s Anatomy), a dorky sci-fi show (Firefly), and THE most asinine reality program (Laguna Beach) produced in an era of asinine reality TV.
I’m supposed to be a book nerd, not a TV junkie. Here it is, nearly July, and I’ve only read one book all summer.
Please, someone, anyone—Help me.
Or at least point me in the direction of my next fix.
Yeah Freaks and Geeks is pretty damn good. Remember the one when they weave in the Supertramp song? I can’t really remember the plot line but the closing sequence with Supertramp was . . . it really just made you wonder why can’t ALL T.V. be this good.
flawless
I’ve only done this once, but I could see into the abyss of addiction that might conceivably follow. It was while watching the original UK episodes of “The Office” one weekend, for hours in a row. Oh. My. God. That show is painfully, riotously funny.
Yes, yes, yessss to Little Britain and The Office. (Although I did have to watch a lot of The Office while peeking through my fingers, cringing and laughing at the same time.) Battlestar Galactica is also pretty addictive, and I have been known to go into a CSI coma from time to time. No, it’s nothing to be proud of.
On a side note, today I am mourning the breakup of my favorite band, Sleater-Kinney. If the end of a TV show can leave one bereft, this loss is so much worse.
I love TV and will watch a tv show over a movie any day. LOVE THEM!!!!! Yes to Deadwood, although I get confused a lot. Thank god for the Television Without Pity synopses, especially during the Yankton stuff. I even had to supplement my viewing with a few trips to Wickipedia. I think the Shakespearean thing comes up when people try to wrap their heads around the dialogue, which the creator wants us to believe is informed by the characters’ forays into High Culture, as in Shakes. Dickens, etc. But if you’re watching this on DVD you know that, right? Because you’ve totally watched the Making of Deadwood stuff. How could you resist?
Two recommendations: Showtime’s “Dead Like Me,” about a group of grim reapers led by Mandy Patinkin (don’t worry, he doesn’t sing). It only lasted two seasons, so it’ll be a short fix, but really, really worth it. They cuss a lot, too, but wouldn’t you if you were aribitrarily stuck between life and death for an unspecified amount of time? Sometimes the show reads a tiny bit like an afterschool special–if you are a grim reaper, you MUST kill the people you are assigned to kill; if you don’t sad and bad things happen–but never to the degree that Freaks and Geeks (which I agree was a good show, though a little 80’s 101 music-wise) did.
Battlestar Galactica. Not the one from the 70s, but the new one which is just two seasons in. They’re both out on DVD. Nothing like the cheesy stylized Star Trek series (which, I have to say, in the interest of full disclosure, I really do like), this is raw sci-fi, with low lighting, contemporary clothing, an anti-technology bias, and “villians” who just might be the moral center of the show. I watch this on my ipod at the gym, hunching way over the machines so I can see who’s shooting who, and sometimes it blows my mind so fully that I realize I’m not breathing only when I let out a huge, way-too-loud gasp and get stares from other gym-goers. Set aside a whole weekend because once you get through the four-hour mini-series that starts it all, you’re not frackin’ going anywhere. (And yes, what you’ve heard about its basic premise being based on Mormon theology is true, and no, that doesn’t get in the way of the show. )
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you forgot to write about the time we saw some friends of mine outside of Tangier and as you were talking about episodes of Las Vegas, they started looking at you funny. . .
My recommendation would be Firefly. I’m not generally a tv series addict, but when my husband made me sit down, we watched the entire season straight through (something like 15 hours). Absolutely wonderful and a crime that Fox didn’t renew for a second season. (I haven’t met anyone that’s seen it on DVD and not liked it…)
we were hit hard by the sopranos and six feet under, which eventually led us to subscribe to HBO once we’d caught up with the series. the summer i stayed with farrell and trixie we maxed out on the 6 ft under DVDs and wound up buying VHS recordings of the unreleased season off ebay.
the copy of Freaks and Geeks nathan is selling (see his link above) is the very one our family devoured several episodes at a time. thanks, nathan, for the loan.
but the show i fell most head over heels for — pre-DVD, even — was Roswell. man, how i loved that show. i used to call Pandora or Shelley after each episode. The time Future Max came and made Liz break up with his present-day self i was reduced to a puddle of tears. when i called P and S, they were both bawling too. I’m asking for the first two seasons (pre-UPN) for christmas, but if you want to netflix them now, Jeremy, i’ll be happy to spend my nights watching them next month in LA …
Yeah, I didn’t even mention The Office! I love that show, though for some reason I was never really addicted. (Incidentally, if anyone ever gets their hands on a show called I’m Alan Partridge, a BBC program that you can’t even get here, I promise that you’ll love it. Steve Coogan plays the title character, an obvious (and hilarious) precursor to Ricky Gervais’ David Brent.)
Missy, I have Dead Like Me in my Netflix queue but I knew nothing about it, so I’m glad to have the recommendation. I’m bumping it up immediately. Also, you’re the second person who’s recommended Battlestar Galactica, so I’ll have to check that out, too. (One of my justifications for watching all of these shows is that I, too, watch them while riding my stationary bike; in fact, if I’m not hooked on any show, I pretty much stop exercising altogether.)
And, Bryan: it’s a date. Roswell all summer!
Oh, Nikki… your friends weren’t looking at me “funny.” That look was pure admiration…(though, admittedly, my Las Vegas afilliction was a low point.)
(By the way, I read recently that The 4400 is supposed to be really good. Has anyone seen it? It’s about 4,400 people who were abducted by aliens and returned back to Earth, and who must now try to “pick up the pieces of their shattered lives.” Sounds like my next addiction… Don’t give me that funny look!)
WONDERFALLS!!!!!! !!…!!!!!
My brother (who buys mountains of DVDs for the whole family to consume) told me to watch it. While my initial impression was, “What the hell?” by the end I was foaming-at-the-mouth mad (well, I didn’t really…foam) at whoever controls TV land for cancelling the show. Bastards.
My brother also told me to watch The Office (UK version). Two days later, I was finished and once again left with that empty “Oh no, this show is completely over” feeling.
I watched one episode of Lost to realize that I could never watch it again unless I wanted to be a slave to the show.
While I haven’t watched it yet, I just downloaded the first season of Foster’s Home for Imaginary Friends. It’s probably not as addictive as the other shows since it’s a cartoon for little kids, but I’ll find out soon.
There’s no escape from the telly. You’re just doomed.
Oh yeah, and thanks for reminding me about my Roswell addiction. [looks up dvds]
Damn the miles Bryan and Jeremy–I have Roswell season 1, 2 and the infinitely spotty 3. But really my heart belongs to Smallville. And X-Files and Buffy. I have a Big Love heart when it comes to hot teenagers (or youthful FBI agents) and sci-fi.
VERONICA MARS and THE SHIELD are six-cd-changer, marathon, stock up on the food and caffeine, can’t stop watching miracles.
And any six episodes of the first four seasons of THE WEST WING are necessary background watching when I’m working.
DEADWOOD is about to go new-cue-ler with Brian Cox…
Hm. this probably isn’t helping, is it?
Well, I’ll accept being an ennabler. I’d defend myself better, but I just put ALIAS season 3 in the player.
Goddamn Jermey you sure generate comments. Stella! shout out to “Shooting Stars” is THAT on DVD!
> Maybe I’m also addicted to cute, hallucinating girl-misfits.
Well, there’s *that*!
> Goddamn Jermey you sure generate comments
I think it speaks to the lack of discussion generated by Dave’s most recent one: we’re all so fricking depressed by the state of world politics and the beady little bastard at the helm that there’s no recourse but to dull our brains with TV.
oh, great. bryan, you can always count on me to dumb things down a bit…
Ha! Ha! That made me laugh, even though my post consisted of pictures of rocks.
jeremy — i couldn’t help but read that last comment in eeyore’s voice.
bryan: nice link!
i watched the last episode of freaks and geeks with you. you didn’t cry. don’t try to make it more dramatic than it was.
p.s. you need to get out more, it’s summer.
i’m sure he was crying on the inside. plus, with all those plot details — even the name of the dwarf! — he has to have watched it more than once. maybe he cried on multiple viewings.
Go for Superstud, Sam…go for Superstud!
Another recommendation: Peep Show (BBC). Stay with it until you get to the Das Boot episode.
I’m not sure if anybody’s recomended Undeclared yet…it’s either the same writer or producer as Freaks and Geeks, and shares some of the same cast members as well. It’s about a group of college freshmen and their hilarious hijinks. Only ran one season, and stars Loudon Wainwright, who is pretty funny in his own right.
The Shield is way under watched by this crowd. Go out and rent it!
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I was addicted to WHO’S THE BOSS? when it was on tv! Actually, my husband & young daughter were, too! I taped nearly every episode & we even turned around to go back home & set the VCR when we forgot one night before we went out! THAT’s addiction, yes?
Now I MUST get my daily dose of - not Rambo anymore - but DANIEL DESARIO or at least SOME kind of SOMETHING dealing with Mr. Franco & his fine self!! This is becoming WAAAAAAAAAAY too obsessive!!
- Dianna
heyfranco.blogspot.com