It sounds: like a fun thing to get: con-junct-ivitis. Hookin’ up words and prhases and clauses. You think: I will hook up words and phrases and clauses. You think: I will become a human contraction – two things, to ideas together as one: are not? Aren’t? No. Am. You are? Indeed. You’re? Yes. Yours.

It feels: not fun. Not’un. The slang is better: Pink eye. Sounds vaguely French. Sexy, even. It is anything but. Instead of being a Van Morrison song, I am something that belongs with “… And the Brain.”

It comes on: suddenly. Today at least. Took pal to Urgent Care and after a stern lecture from the doc about contagions, after wiping down the car with a Clorox wipe, after contracting all the germs I could find, I have become a human contraction with this itis. It is. I am. It is in my eyeball-s. Plural by the time this post goes viral. Live.

I think: about calling Gregory House and hope he limps on over. I am: going to go close my eyes. Not seeing what’s around me: the cats, the sheets, the freefall of the economy. Wait for morning to come when I can scoot myself over to the urgent care center and drop yellow goopy something’isone into my eyeballs and clear up before contracting myself with T’day, S’west Airlines, and Fandamnly, when I will be giving Thanks for no longer being my favorite color.

8 responses to “Pinky”

  1. MF says:

    Miss Gale,
    So clever, your language twisting and turning. Makes your ailment feel oh, so slightly ‘un real. But I know it’s not.

  2. Adriana says:

    Jasper used to get this all the time. He would wake up with his eyes glued shut. Hope it doesn’t get to that point with you.

    But the good news is, according to our pediatrician the most contagious period is the very beginning, before you show symptoms. Your family and your fellow travelers will get conjunctivitis from someone else this Thanksgiving.

  3. Marleyfan says:

    Givin’ someone the pink eye. Similiar to- Givin’ someone the stink eye.

  4. Kate the Great says:

    Oh, blech. I still have nightmares about waking up with my eyelashes glued shut. My eyelids, sometimes. Most of the time I had to squeeze the gunk out of my lashes while trying to suppress the panic of not being able to open my eyes.

    Great childhood memories.

  5. swells says:

    Although I do wish I could conjure away your conjunctivitis, I have to say that this post tickled me pink.

  6. J-man says:

    Grody to the max.

  7. Dave says:

    Best sick post ever?

    Get well soon.

  8. RF says:

    I learned from the movie Knocked Up that you are probably the victim of someone farting bare assed on your pillow. Look for the culprit and return the favor!