Tired of the words that come out of your mouth? Looking for some fresh and charming language with which to impress your friends and family? This week, we’re going to expand your vocabulary with English phrases that are sure to increase your popularity. Try out one or two each day and soon your coworkers and roommates will see you in a new and fascinating light.

1. Mild swear words
You all know and occasionally use “bloody” as in bloody hell, it’s a bloody mess etc. You can also try some of my Dad’s favorites: hells bells, crimey o’riley, crikey Moses, and bugger. I should warn you that there’s a generational bias to some of those, but you’ll have to work it out yourself. And someone got so excited about the phrase Crikey Moses! that they apparently wrote a musical.

2. When things go wrong
I grew up knowing that a disaster (e.g. a barbeque that sets a table on fire yet doesn’t cook steaks) was a right Fred Karno. I was inspired to research that phrase a couple of years ago and learned that Fred Karno was the leader of an early 20th century circus coming out of the vaudeville tradition, which employed such greats as Stan Laurel and Charlie Chaplin early in their careers. His signature was a chaotic slapstick style comedy that inspired a World War I infantry song about Fred Karno’s army. I’m sure this will die out if we don’t make a special effort to use it.

When you feel sick, you are poorly. And if something is not fully functional, it might be dicky. That could be anything from a bodily part – a dicky leg – to a car engine. And if your plans go totally awry, they’ve probably gone pear-shaped. (I’m not sure which fruit represents a successful outcome. I guess a peach.)

3. Love and marriage
In Britain, no one is cute, makes out, or dates. We find our objects of desire fit (or dead fit if we’re lucky), we like to snog, and go out with people. And early in the dating process, you might get off with someone—more than snogging, probably at a party. Fans of Cockney rhyming slang will be familiar with the “trouble and strife”/wife. Btw, my Mum thinks Tom Selleck is dishy. In fact, he’s a right corker. And we could never, and I mean never, name any children Randy. (Tee hee.)

4. Happy
I’m really chuffed that my friend is coming to D.C. for the weekend. We’re going to have a brilliant time. It’ll be ace. But if he cancels at the last minute, I’ll be peeved.

5. Drunk
I got totally pissed last night, mate. I was plastered, paralytic, and sloshed. Whereas my mother occasionally gets tipsy. As she says: two sherrys and she’s anyone’s!

6. Mammaries
I don’t know how much of your week you spend discussing breasts, but if this is a popular topic then you may want to mention bristols (Bristol city/titty – more Cockney rhyming slang) and knockers. Popular in my family alone: boobleschnitzel.

7. Surprise
When I won the lottery, I was gobsmacked. You could have knocked me down with a feather. If I win again, I’ll go to the foot of our stairs. (I guess I’m so surprised I need to go to an unusual place for reflection?)

8. Weather
As you know, we’re obsessed, so we like to carry a brolly in case it rains. In fact, the forecast says it might bucket down. If it gets cold it will be parky. And if it’s freezing, it will be brass monkeys.

Please feel free to continue your education without me here, here, here, or here.

TTFN (Ta ta for now.)