Can you list all of your school mascots? My high school and my undergraduate are the same and relatively common but I’ve had some winners along the way. I’ve been a Viking, a Toro, a 49er, and even (shudder) a Trojan. My most recent school has no mascot whatsoever. This was crazy to me. Sure, the idea that some symbolic power is to be derived from the descriptive or associative power of a stock number of images or names is silly but to have an institution opt out of the process altogether left me feeling a bit adrift. Not a heck of a lot of fun in the student store either. Of course I’m somewhat traumatized in that two of my former school mascots have been lost forever to the sands of time. I approve that my junior high is no longer the Indians but who wouldn’t want to hold on forever to the Southern California 70’s high baroque that gave us the Minnie Gant Cool Cats?
How about town mottoes? Do you know yours? I live in The International City. I imagine that giving such an ostentatiously worldly title to what was nicknamed Iowa by the Sea was mostly based on our appropriating a large English ocean liner and docking it in our harbor, but it seems to have been a happily self-fulfilling prophecy considering how impressively diverse Long Beach has since become. I remember the occasional shield shaped metal signs with the title and a picture of The Queen Mary as a kid but I haven’t seen one in years and the title is used unofficially these days if at all.
Not so my motto obsessed neighbors to the north. I speak, of course, of Lakewood, CA. Lakewood’s motto when I was a child was Tomorrow’s City Today. This seemed positively Disneyesque, if not a bit silly even at the time, but that’s what the sign said so I believed it and moved on. Joan Didion (see Trouble in Lakewood from the July 26, 1993 New Yorker) and D.J. Waldie (Holy Land) have written with more insight about the place than I could ever hope so I’ll merely offer that my own biased opinions are not the subject here and give the standard disclaimers that I have many friends who have lived or currently reside in the fine city of Lakewood.
The idea for this post came to me when I saw the new flags hanging from the lampposts and then the huge concrete signs on the street dividers containing not one motto but a whole collection of information about Lakewood. Tomorrow’s City Today was suddenly nowhere to be found (but forever implied?) but there were claims to the effect that I was now in Tree City USA as well as Sportstown USA. These seemed harmless enough though I couldn’t help but wonder how a city designated itself something like that or how many tree friendly places or enthusiastic sports towns must dot our entire nation. Above these relatively innocuous statements, however, was the new motto of Lakewood spelled out loudly and proudly for all to contemplate:
Times Change. Values Don’t.
Reader, I did a double take and then a triple. I looked in the rearview mirror for the burning cross and then for the candid camera that was trying to record how they freaked out the token liberal driving through town. I saw neither, just the smug insanity that would cause a city to invest so heavily in publicizing its own, well, what exactly? Fear? Oh yeah. Racism? Don’t see the senator from Illinois doing well here, no. But plenty of communities are characterized by this and more but they don’t scream the repeated embarrassment down every street that is Times Change Values Don’t. I could be wrong though. Why do I automatically assume these values to be scary or in opposition to my own? Maybe the city burghers are huge proponents of the Enlightenment? The poetry of Percy Shelley? The Grundrisse? The films of Bob Fosse? Nah, I don’t think so either.
And what happened to Tomorrow’s City Today? How did these two mottoes pass each other on the mobius strip of time/space continuum? Here is where multiple viewings of all five Planet of the Apes films really pay off. On the one hand you’ve got a city existing somehow slightly in the future and on the other you’re acknowledging chronological time while at the same time disputing it in favor of some apparently immutable principles. But which values are hurtling toward the future to be lost forever and which exist unthreatened in the protected space between the green parks and baseball diamonds? No wonder these people are confused.
But don’t despair, the other night I was watching Over the Edge, the Matt Dillon debut about disaffected teens with the killer Cheap Trick soundtrack, and the fictional town of New Granada has a very familiar motto. The film is set outside Denver and the actual events are supposedly inspired by an early 70’s crime spree in Foster City, California, but devotees of the Spur Posse and their once and future city won’t be fooled: Tomorrow’s City Today lives on.
Ruben, I’m so glad that you’ve written this post. I’ve become obsessed with the now Lakewood motto myself. Ironically (or not) the first time I saw it I was driving past a Wal Mart on the one side of the road and the temple of eating that Swells and I have dubbed “Jesus Land” because of the biblical passages that used to decorate the walls, and that T. Wager calls “Acres of Food,” because the portions are so ridiculous. Hmm, Are obesity and values not changing correlated? Perhaps I should’ve gone into sociology.
But if you think about the two mottoes, they’re pretty much the same. Tomorrow’s cities, given the way conservative people squeeze out the pups, will more likely have never changing values, but given their propensity for large potions, they’ll all be fat fucks anyway. Makes you wonder if the futuristic lynch mobs will be that scary. I mean, how will they catch us to string our asses up?
GREAT POST!
No lie, I just found these reviews for Jesus Land:
“…the portions are huge i just love it soooooo much!”
“…Be ready to eat when you go there.”
“Make sure to bring your appetite with you because you’re in for a marathon of a meal…Make sure and try any of their sweet treats, they’re all so yummy!”
“GINORMOUS portions! Everything on the menu is FANTASTIC!!! Forget…This is the perfect American restaurant!”
“The proprieter, Pam, greeted us at the door like we were long lost friends. She invited us to enjoy our ‘feast’. And a FEAST it was. Portions are more than generous and everything was fresh and delicous. Even the children’s spaghetti plate was enough for an adult!”
And here’s the saddest part, I’m actally meeting a friend there for breakfast this morning. The food is pretty fantastic.
Be sure to bring your appetite, Scotty.
Ruben, you had me at “two mottoes.”
Modesto: — proudly inscribed on the town arch, at the corner of 9th and I St.
Junior High was the Roughriders. High School, I can’t quite remember but dimly; Trojans is a distinct possibility, or Spartans — or some other group of classical warriors. No memory whatsoever of any collegiate mascots.
I could not say why but I read your post title and my mind immediately jumped to this lyric, from Robyn Hitchcock’s “1974”: “You have two coffees, one of them is one coffee too many for you, on a health kick…” except with mottoes taking the place of the coffees.
Yeah Dave, I’m actually going to the gym for two hours before the meeting to get myself primed.
Oops, I meant
Not sure how I forgot to include the motto itself…
Enjoy your breakfeast, Scotty.
Also: I just realized I have no clue whether the town I now live in has any motto or motto-like grouping of words. I checked the town web site but did not see anything promising.
Another important feature of Jesus Land is the “prayer box” in the women’s restroom with a pen and paper at the ready for you to write out your prayers. Yep, while on the toilet. It is SO hard to resist this one.
Ruben, “Times Change; Values Don’t” has indeed become an obsessive byword (byphrase?) in our house here in The International City. Perhaps the next time I go to Jesus Land I will submit my prayer that someday Lakewood’s values will change. I won’t hold my breath thought (unless the bathroom really stinks).
As far as town mottoes go, Trenton, NJ has to win the prize for the Bitterest Motto: that giant bridge next to Route 1 that bellows resentfully, “TRENTON MAKES, THE WORLD TAKES.”
…and which I used to have a clear view of from my Morrisville, PA apartment. No wonder I’m so bitter.
According to one person on the internets, my home town’s motto is “Good for you, Albuquerque.”
my home town
Wait, I thoughtcha came from the northeast somewhere?
allplaces.us says my town’s motto is “Liberty and prosperity,” but I’m skeptical. That just seems bland as hell. Maybe that’s the default motto they use for towns that don’t have one specified… Oh, apparently that’s the state’s motto. Couldn’t they come up with anything catchier?
12: You obviously haven’t read the archives.
scott and steph, welcome home. just realized that there are some places in europe where one would run like hell if you saw time’s change values don’t displayed in their town square.
love hearing about those other mottoes, but trenton sounds in the lead for now.
any winning school mascots anyone wants to own up to?
Wow, I always knew there was a reason why I didn’t like Lakewood.
(Go OCC Pirates!)
any winning school mascots anyone wants to own up to?
I was a Maroon, plural formation “Maroons”. I’m not sure of the why and wherefore. My high school has proudly stuck by its racist team name: “Redskins”. If it’s good enough for the NFL team of our nation’s capital, it’s good enough for them.
Let us not forget the CSULB Dritbags.
Let’s see: the litany of my mascots is long and at times rather macho. Seahawks, Chieftains, Centurions, Golden Bears, Cavaliers, Aggies, Pirates (that’s from junior high through current employer, btw). Golden Bears is of course my favorite, being the most attractive and least warlike (fighting for food doesn’t count) except for the pleasingly wimpy Aggies (that’s agricultural farmers I guess?). They aren’t gonna win any matches against those other warmongers. Though if you read “cavalier” as an adjective rather than a noun it’s sort of cool.
I still envy UC Santa Cruz their Banana Slugs. Now THAT’s peaceful.
steph, you reminded me that i left out my current employer. and it’s the best of the bunch if not more than a little ironic considering the community i serve. ladies and gentleman of the jury, i am currently a saint.
wow. i’m genuflecting to you right now.
that’s what she said
I’m down on my knees, I wanna take you there.
In the midnight hour I can feel your power.
Just like a prayer you know I’ll take you there.
well, from elementary school to the first half of high school I was, in order: the gerber baby (i went to gerber kindergarten), the dolphins, the sea kings, the sharks (o.c. loves their sea creatures), the wolverines. and then, AND THEN, the artisans.
the artisans is great, right? for the last two years of high school i was one of those, only the parents rebeled against it, saying it was “too gay” and their althete children were not seen as masculine enough, leading to other teams bullying and teasing them. keep in mind, this is a town that was coming into it’s own as a gay metropolis in southern california.
so, as city council meetings were being held and petitions were being signed, five friends and i held a peaceful protest in the quad with our magic-marker signs and cross-legged sitting. surprisingly, meaningful protest means nothing in the city of laguna beach, so the school is now the breakers. so boring, but, at least now we have a reality t.v. show to call our own! hooray!
crap. we were the artists, not the artisans. whatever. it was still kick ass. and i’m still bitter.
adriean interned at a college with a great mascot. check out their fight song:
Go Poets, go
Move that ball right down the field.
Fight Poets, fight
With a will that will not yield.
Win Poets, win
Bring glory to your name.
Go! Go! Whittier.
Fight! Fight! Whittier.
Win that game!
So RM Nixon was a Poet? This I never knew.
i’m not saying that critical blogs had a thing to do with it but…check out the lead la times obit today-john sanford todd (1919-2008), his vision of lakewood as a new kind of city created a model copied nationwide
here are the first three sentences: in the annals of california municipal history history, lakewood of the early 1950’s wad david fighting the goliath of long beach, a city intent on gobbling up its unincorporated neighbor parcel by parcel. the legal turf battles were exhausting for lakewood’s defenders, most of whom were transplants drawn to the promise of this sleepy village-turned postwar boomtown. then along came john sanford todd, a struggling attorney and proud lakewood resident, who dreamed up a way to preserve his community’s independence with it going broke.