Cat is not sleepy

A couple of years ago I was delighted to discover Cat Is Sleepy by Satoshi Kitamura. It combines all my favorite things…children’s books, cats, Japanese design. Although grammarians might despair of the absent definite article, it’s a charming book in which cat cannot find a suitable place to sleep. A crisis for any feline.

I woke thinking of that book this morning. At about 3:45am. Because cat was not sleepy. And I know there were places to sleep. Cat is simply bloody-minded and wants an early breakfast.

I’m especially peeved because we sprang forward this week to daylight savings time (aka British summer time – as if naming the time period would somehow entice the season to actually appear). And as cat does not understand daylight savings, it usually heralds several weeks of waking in harmony at 7 a.m. instead of 6 a.m. or 5 a.m. or now, apparently, 3:45 a.m. So, all I can do is share with you the extraordinary torture methods cat uses to wake human in the hope that your sympathy compensates for the utter exhaustion and pain I (and to a lesser extent my partner) am experiencing.

  1. Cat is mewing – high pitched, repetitive, at a frequency that’s hard to ignore.
  2. Cat is banging – on the closet doors with both front paws in a regular percussion jamming session.
  3. Cat is throwing book on ground – she had done this a couple of times before I saw her ingenious method. Imagine, paperback book is sitting on bedside table. Front cover flaps up. Cat takes flapping front cover in mouth, and carefully pulls book until it falls on floor with loud crash. Cat peers over bed looking in wonderment at book on floor.
  4. Cat is scratching – on upholstered headboard. Did it not occur to us that this might happen? Who chose that stupid IKEA bed? Most of headboard is covered in attractive transparent packing tape to discourage cat.
  5. Cat is clanging – more ingenuity. Cat has studied little bowl of jewelry on bedside table and takes watch in mouth. But instead of dropping it on floor, cat drops it back in jewelry bowl where it clangs on earrings. And repeats and repeats in my ear.
  6. Cat is clawing – a little more sophisticated than scratching. Cat takes claw and carefully places it on soft and exposed parts of human body in single surgical strikes. Arm and thigh are painful, but tolerable. Eyelids not so much. Lips unbearable.
  7. Cat is sleeping on head – this is my preferred torture method because once cat is squished up next to and on my head, she is resting and not mewing, banging, throwing book on ground, scratching, clanging, or clawing; however it means…
  8. Cat is purring – and it’s astonishing how much noise is generated by that pea head resting on my human head.

Human is sleepy and has hideous work day ahead. Cat will spend next 12 hours of day…asleep.

cat is not sleepy

5 responses to “Cat is not sleepy”

  1. Trixie Honeycups says:

    oh stella,
    i feel your pain. last night for us it was:
    1.getting between the window blind and the window, then moving quickly so that blind swings against window and makes clanging sound. repeat 75 times.
    2. lie on top of the covers so that the people in the bed cannot move (this requires two cats working in tandem).
    3. drink water out of human’s water glass, while ID tags bang against side of glass (bonus: human then no longer wants to drink out of said water glass).
    4. sleep all day in order to rest up for repeat performances on subsequent nights.
    let’s send them all away to kitty reform school.
    love,
    trixie

  2. Rachel says:

    Cat finds piece of velcro (ANY velcro–messenger bag, jacket, you name it) and repeatedly rips it open, closes it, rips it open again. This takes cleverness and not a little strength.

    Cat tears back and forth across wood floors as if pursued by Death itself.

    Cats attack one another, Gladiator-style, with what sounds like a Foley team’s arsenal of sound effects.

  3. G-Lock says:

    Exhibits A through X on why dogs are better.

  4. G-Lock says:

    (By the way, why hasn’t the Greatwhatsit timekeeper accommodated Daylight Savings Time? I feel like I am in Chicago.)

  5. Dave says:

    (Changed the time thingie. Who knew that Greenwich Mean Time didn’t change according the whims of the U.S. Congress?)