Comments on: Situational (emotional) blindness

By: marleyfan

marleyfan — Wed, 23 Jul 2008 13:19:09 +0000

Perfect way to wrap it Swells. I started about four different responses, but kept deleting them. Next time I struggle, I’m calling you!

By: marleyfan

marleyfan — Wed, 23 Jul 2008 03:35:47 +0000

Perfect way to wrap it Swells. I started about four different responses, but kept deleting them. Next time I have a hard time, I’m calling you!

By: J-Man

J-Man — Wed, 23 Jul 2008 03:08:40 +0000

Well put, Swells. Although, I’ve noticed that sometimes, people apologize in advance for their behaviour, not as an excuse to act however they want, but because they feel truly inadequate in one way or another. I’ve noticed this especially with women – we tend to apologize a lot in daily conversation rather than just stating what we need or intend to do. e.g. saying, “Sorry, but, do you mind if I…..” rather than “I need this” or “I’m going to do this”.

By: swells

swells — Wed, 23 Jul 2008 00:50:43 +0000

Friends and I have had an ongoing conversation about the “I’m just _______” cop-out to excuse inexcusable behavior. I don’t think it’s necessarily gendered (though if you fill in that blank with “a man” or “a woman,” beware my wrath for whatever you’re trying to stereotype your way out of). For example, I have a friend who said to me before a trip together, “I just have to warn you, I’m a horrible traveler—really cranky and nasty.” Are you kidding me? You know this about yourself and rather than making any effort to be civil to me and make my experience bearable, you’re going to embrace this as your “identity” so you can act however you want? Or the friend whose new in-laws, whom she had already been warned to dread by her new husband, told her at the wedding, “Welcome to the nuthouse. We’re all crazy.” I read it initially as a sort of sweet, fumbling way to apologize in advance for how dysfunctional their family is, but she corrected me, understanding it as a way to waive any responsibility on their part to behave like civil adults. I know that some behaviors and tendencies probably are hard-wired, and probably gendered to some extent. I believe, though, that as social adults we are obligated to try to overcome some of these less productive social shortfalls in ourselves for the comfort of others. Not that we have to fake it all the time, but for gosh sakes, people, suck it up—you can’t say “I’m just a tantrum thrower” or “That’s just me, a violent drunk” or “I’m just a sex offender, that’s just how I am” and expect us all to say well, it takes all kinds . . .

By: Rachel

Rachel — Tue, 22 Jul 2008 18:23:40 +0000

(Apologies for the spelling. I can barely see the gray-on-white screen today. All that reading must have ruined my eyes.)