I really like LA a lot. It’s so cool! There’s, like, famous people… and film crews everywhere… and palm trees. It’s just like in the movies! Also, you can go to the beach and see the muscley guys or get a tattoo or just, whatever!
It never rains, which is cool because I’m taking tennis lessons now, from this guy named Eric, who wears a sweatsuit all the time because his dermatologist told him to or else he’d get skin cancer. I should probably use sunscreen every day, but sometimes I forget. I’ve never been so tan! Even though some days you can’t see the sun for the smog. But you only really notice when you’re outside, so it’s not so bad.
Also, there’s lots of Scientologists, but that’s okay because they usually stay in their big air-conditioned buildings, doing whatever they do. There’s also donut stores on every corner, which is weird because everybody tries really hard to stay skinny. I don’t know who buys the donuts, but they sure do smell great when you ride past them, if you’re not behind a bus.
You can buy Star Maps that show you where famous people live, but I haven’t done that because it’s for tourists. For the same reason, I haven’t gone and taken my picture with Spiderman or Jack Sparrow on Hollywood Boulevard, or hung out at Le Pain Quotidien to see famous people, even though it’s just down the street from me. I will admit to sometimes glancing as I bicycle by, though, and once I saw that chick from the movie Waterworld! She’s prettier in real life. Though that movie stank.
So, like, everything’s great here. I’ve made a lot of friends, and they’re really cool people. Especially this one guy, Timo, who’s like my best friend. He’s super smart! He reads books! How cool is that! Here’s his picture.
So, don’t worry about me! I’m in good hands! Say hi to everybody back in Iowa!