Last year, my relationship of nearly 10 years ended. I moved to LA, and six months later began dating someone here. It didn’t work out. It didn’t even come close, really. Then, just recently, I started seeing someone new. Her name is Randi.
I liked her right away. She’s funny, smart, warm, attractive. A writer. From the East coast. She likes her work and makes a good living at it. She’s not involved with anyone else, not laden with emotional baggage, not crazy, not straight. She even lives just four blocks away. She’s kind of… perfect.
A little too perfect, I found myself thinking. We get along so well! We laugh all the time! She seems to like me as much as I like her! Surely there’s something I’m missing here. Surely, I thought, another shoe will drop, quite possibly right on my head.
One day, a week or so into it, I discovered I was right. We were chatting on her sofa, talking about a high school friend of hers named Sarah B_______. Randi mentioned having seen her at their 10-year high school reunion. Our conversation went like this:
Randi: She showed up at the reunion with a black guy, so we were all like, “Whoa! What happened to Sarah?” It just seemed so sad.
Me, aghast: Um, what do you mean?
Randi: Well, obviously there was something really wrong there. You know, she’s obviously being hit.
Me, completely freaked out but trying to be calm: What do you mean? Why would that necessarily follow?
Randi, startled at my obtuseness, and at being challenged: What else could be happening? Okay, admittedly I’m jumping to conclusions — but still, it’s not a good thing to come to a reunion with a black guy, is it? Is there something I’m missing here?
At this point, I’m not sure what else to say. I wonder to myself how I missed the fact that, in all our conversations, I never noticed this delightful woman is a flaming racist.
Randi: I mean, she shows up at the reunion with a big old shiner!
Me: Oooooohhhhhhhhh! Hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!
Randi, thoroughly confused now: What’s so funny?
Me: You said a “black eye”! I thought you said a “black guy”!
Randi, aghast: What? You thought I was a huge racist?!
And then we broke up.
Kidding.
She’s not a racist! And no other shoe has dropped. I can’t wait for you all to meet her.
Yes, this Randi is totally the raciest. I was smitten like a kitten.
Looking forward to it! But I got a little stuck on “10 year reunion.” Was this…recently? Is she, um, on the young side (not that I can talk)?
I was kinda nervous for a little bit, Parrish, but by the end I was relieved. I mean, what if that girl really had been dating a black guy? Her poor parents!
Kidding!
nice set up. you pretty much got me. i was thinking, man, this sucks!
ooh. eyes.
At the risk of popping up like the bad fairy at the wedding, this did remind me of a moment early in my relationship with Ms. Parrish.
We were watching the lead up to President Clinton’s mea culpa speech in August 2007 in a motel room in P-town after dinner. She heard me ask her “do you want to be Scottie?” In the pre-Godfree days, this seemed like an alarming Star Trek fetish and a lack of interest in politics. I persisted and she shunned me in a confused and irritated way until she finally realized I only wanted to share dessert — for godfree’s sake - do you want a biscotti?
Stella, so Star Trek fetishes are alarming in and of themselves, are they?
When, oh when, will people stop judging so that we happy few can live and love in peace?
LP, happy for both of you…but how did Sarah end up? She didn’t fall down ala Charlie Rose, did she?
Wait a second… Lisa is GAY?! Well, then, forget about it. I can’t imagine what people would think if I brought a lesbian to my 20-year high school reunion. Other shoe, indeed.
Good suspense there, chica. I was really worried for awhile there.
Of course, the catch is if you’re racist, and she’s racist, then I guess you’re a perfect match. But you’re not. And you don’t want to be.
Has anyone here ever met someone who wanted to be racist and wasn’t?
I’ve always wanted to be gay, and I’m (mostly) not.
godfree, tell your pink sweater that.
you got me too. but why would anyone show up at their reunion with a black eye? she might not have asked for the bruise, but she certainly put herself in the path of some gossipy suspicion afterward. denial ain’t just a river…
lisa plus randi, by the way, equals gorgeous.
#2: The 10-year reunion was a few years ago, so you’re still in the lead, Rachel! Huzzah!
#5: For those who don’t know, Stella has an English accent, so it really does sound like “Do you wanta be scottie?” Or maybe I just don’t listen very well.
#7: I was gonna tell you, I swear. Is this a dealbreaker? If you want, you can take Scotty to your 20-year reunion, as he’s (mostly) not gay.
In other black guy news…
i know, i know. i still haven’t met her! when already?
There could be a perfectly normal reason for the black eye but maybe no one asked? A friend of mine recently had a broken nose (from a bike accident) and then rhinoplasty to fix it and thus walked around with two black eyes. Surprisingly, no one asked her what happened. She would have been happy to explain, “It’s not for vanity…” but all she got were a couple of sympathetic looks.
Randi’s eyes remind me of Claire Forlani (Meet Joe Black)…
great story lisa