I can think of three reasons why, for as long as I can remember, I’ve been fascinated by restroom graffiti.
First, I love the idea of secret lives, that there are so many people out there yearning to say something, but need total anonymity to do so. Of course, the people who speak out via restroom vandalism tend to be more representative of the bigots among us, but this too intrigues me; I once spent weeks trying to figure out which of my co-workers wrote a hate-filled diatribe in a restroom shared by only about ten of us. Admittedly, I was disappointed to find out that it was a person of the minority group under attack who was just “trying to be funny.” Oh well.
Another reason that I find restroom graffiti interesting is that I’ve never actually seen anyone leaving it. As one who’s never marked a wall in his life, I wonder who the hell these people are. They seem like some kind of weird gnomes or something who just disappear after leaving their marks. Have you ever walked into a restroom while someone was drawing a giant cock on the wall? I’ll wager that you haven’t. Doesn’t the law of averages dictate that at some point you should’ve?
Finally, restroom graffiti intrigues me because so much of the stuff that people write on walls is so incredibly idiotic. Yes, I am one of those sad people who should never be in charge of the TV remote because I am drawn to the worst crap on air. Find me a Cops or Springer marathon and I’ll sit there agog all day long; if the trashiest of us aren’t here to entertain, I ask you, why are they on the same planet?
So in an effort to bring some of you into my world of fascination, I share with you a sampling of some of my favorite types of restroom graffiti as supplied by the college campus on which I spend several days a week:
The philosophical statement, which devolves into a graffiti argument about what really is the true road to happiness: 
As easy as answering this question might seem, I figure that since Socrates had a tough time with it – and he was, according to the Oracle at Delphi, the wisest of all Athenians – I wonder if these restroom scratchers might be a little out of their element.
The political statement that gets called out for a spelling error:
You could almost hear the “conservative hate-monger” slapping himself for misspelling “liberals.” But cut the guy some slack; he was probably feeling some pressure while writing his message. I mean, the door could’ve opened any time and some love-bead wearing “libral” could’ve come on to him while he was standing at the urinal, pecker in one hand and pen in the other.
The “Your kind of music sucks!”:
Obviously this brand of graffiti has evolved over the years. One could assume, however, that it probably started with claims that “disco sucks!” before moving on to “new wave is for pussies!” and finally settling into “hair metal is for homos!” for much of the ‘80s into the ‘90s. I’m happy to see that the kids are keeping up this proud tradition.
The creepy quasi-religious gamer threat:
I love this kind of delusional statement. I mean will this guy really be able to peel himself away from his X-Box long enough to be a threat to society? And seriously, how many friends could this idiot really have? Certainly not a “legion’s” worth. You’ll have to forgive me for not holding my breath while I’m “expecting” you.
The standard gay porn:
Rarely does one see such a well-executed drawing on a toilet paper dispenser. The artist was obviously comfortably settled in during this lavatory’s low-volume hours, and was feeling the security of the stall’s closed door.
Because of its secret-life connotations, gay porn graffiti is more fascinating to me than the other types. (I also find it the saddest for the same reason.) Call me crazy, but I assume that most normal, un-closeted gay men don’t spent a whole lot of time drawing hieroglyphic blowjobs in college restrooms.
The menacing sex organ: 
This article of graffiti was the only drawing in the restroom that I use most often, and it was up for a while, about two and a half semesters. Over time, I developed a comfortable relationship with this power-cock, the way one might with a photo of an un-met, distant relative – our connection was completely on my terms, and in my own head.
Standing there peeing, I often found myself wondering what the artist hopes to communicate. Is it that his penis is hard enough to hammer nails? That he has some unfortunate deformity? That he wants to do violence with his penis? Maybe he’s advertising a new type of hammer, and it isn’t about his penis at all; the hammer just happens to look like a penis.
After a year and a half of considering this puzzle, the drawing was painted over. Ironically, it was just a couple of days after I snapped this photo. Now I merely have a blank wall to stare at while peeing; and I’m left with a conspicuous void. I don’t have someone else’s psyche to analyze, and I’ll have to focus on my own.
Maybe I’ll leave a Sharpie sitting atop one of the urinals, inviting my friend to send me another message. A vagina-dentate would be nice.
Wow, Scott. I have always wondered what the graffiti inside a men’s restroom looked like. So many penises. Ladies’ room graffiti is mostly variations on the “Doreen is a slut!!!!!” theme.
“Menacing Sex Organ” would be a great name for a punk band. And didn’t I see that last drawing on a Big Black album cover?
that’s so funny, i’m studying for my modern architecture midterm tomorrow and one essay we’re require to know is adolf loos’ “ornament and crime” — he writes: “it is obvious that this urge overcomes man; such symptoms of degeneration most forcefully express themselves in public conveniences. one can measure the culture of a country by the degree to which its lavatory walls are daubed.” (1908)
love the hammer pic
Awesome. A few months ago in a restroom in a bar in the West Village I saw a “Farrell was here ’89” cut into the wall over the sink. I snapped a picture and sent it to our very own Mr. Fawcett, who claimed he was out of the country that year.
Long time lurker, second time commenter:
I happen to be writing my master’s thesis on graffiti and street art, so I especially enjoyed this post and, as you might imagine, feel I need to share my 73 cents. (By the way, restroom graffiti is called ‘latrinalia,’ a term coined in 1966 by Alan Dundes in his book “Here I Sit—A Study of American Latrinalia.”)
The literature on latrinalia is quite interesting, and authors generally try to attach some psychological or sociological meaning to it. In 1953, Alfred Kinsey discussed latrinalia in terms of repression and latent homosexuality, and a paper presented at the 1966 meeting of the American Psychiatric Association by Lomas and Weltman, entitled “What the Walls Say Today: A Study of Contemporary Graffiti,” add that all sexually arousing latrinalia in mens restrooms is based in latent homosexuality, since the latrinalia was not intended for a mixed audience. Other authors find latrinalia to be an accurate reflection of social attitudes and conditions (see Reisner, “Graffiti: Two Thousand Years of Wall Writing,” (New York: Cowles, 1967); and Read, “Lexical Evidence from Folk Epigraphy in Western North America,” (Paris, 1935)). For an excellent overview of latrinalia literature, see Stocker, et. al., Social Analysis of Graffiti, The Journal of American Folklore 85, No. 338 (Oct.-Dec., 1972) 356-366. Stocker and his colleagues propose several categories of latrinalia and rebut most of the earlier literature; they suggest that different types of latrinalia arise from frustration and aggression, displacement, and socio-political attitudes in the local community.
Anyway, as to who writes latrinalia, none of the literature I reviewed for my thesis had any interviews with latrinalia writers. It seems that people who write on restroom walls prefer anonymity. That said, in one of the men’s rooms at Stony Brook University (for anyone on Long Island the 4th floor of the Staller Center for the Arts) there is a collection of what I would call ‘literary latrinalia,’ apparently titled “Grout, Grout, let it all out, these are the things I can do with ‘Grout.'” Carefully written into the grout lines are witty uses of the word ‘grout’ including, “down and Grout in Beverly Hills,” “The Grout, the Bad, and the Ugly,” and “Some are born to Groutness, some achieve Groutness, and some have Groutness thrust upon them.” Fantastic. I have contributed to this collection with “the Grout Gatsby” and “Rainbow Grout.”
At Stony Brook, there are very few instances of sexually-based latrinalia, at least in the art department. Most of the drawings are cartoon figures in the hand of one of the undergraduate painting students, though there is also a group of flowers and hearts that surround the cryptic statement ‘Another Ancient,’ with a heart in place of the ‘o.’ I can’t really make any claims about the authors or their intent, and my understanding of Freud and Lacan is far too limited to make any guesses about repression, transference, or anything else, but I will say that the latrinalia at Stony Brook is among the most learned (and largely uninteresting) I have encountered. What I would give to encounter menacing sex organs or quasi-religious gamer threats! I might write on bathroom walls more often if I had some inspiration like that.
Anyway, thanks for the great post. (E., thanks for the great Loos quote.)
#4 is my favorite comment in a long time. this is the funniest post we’ve had in a long time. bless you, scotty.
and please, confess: you drew that hammer yourself in advance of an upcoming tattoo session.
I agree BeDub, #4 is a great comment. The funny thing is that I’ve written quasi-intellectual posts hoping to generate a comment like that, but my light-hearted jaunt about restroom graffiti does the trick. As for the authorship of the hammer, it unfortunately (I guess?) isn’t mine.
But you’re still thinking about getting it as a tattoo at the top of the back of your left thigh. Admit it.
and can i just once again say hats off to the other james for introducing the term “latrinalia” into this discussion?
But I already have a “slippery when wet” sign on that thigh, and a Rolling Stones tongue on the other.
left ass cheek?
That’s where I have the heart with a “BW forever” banner across it.
i’m touched.
You wish.
Great Whatsitalia = comments that sound like latrinalia.
Grout comment, LP.
And Grout post, Scotty!
O Scotty, just when we thought you were going to disappear down an International Relations rabbit hole, you post this marvel about the quotidian. Hurrah!
I’ve similarly been fascinated by various latrinalia (so excited about adding that one to my vocabulary!) over the years. I confess to having made an addition or two to the walls and stalls, mostly in an editorial capacity, rather than authorial. Such is my inclination.
Other James, many thanks for your extensive and informed comment! Glad to see that the academy is still producing good work. Also, I’ve seen the same “grout” thread before, but I can’t remember where. The pun on the Tears for Fears song seemed to be the initial graffito, with many others added over the months and years.
P.S. Scotty and/or eds.: you may want to put a “Not Suitable For Work” (NSFW) warning at the top of the post. That drawing of a blow job is, how you say?, kinda graphic and may upset some people who read TGW and/or get them in trouble with their coworkers or bosses.
#15: So effing metta. For a Grout time call BW!
It’s “meta” too. Oh my, is this meta meta?
I meta man Bojangles
I met him in a cell in New Orleans; I was down and grout.
Tim, you should be pun-ished. And you should get the “i love good spelling” tattoo from the first photo.
Great post. never knew such interesting graffiti lurked in the mens bathroom. very interesting indeed. It also gives us a glimpsee in to your pyche Scotty. Great job.
Great post indeed. I’d love to see a part 2 of this exploring the latrinalia in women’s bathrooms, though. I’ve seen quite a bit, and think it would make for an interesting juxtaposition. The Other James, has any of the latrinalia research you’ve done touched on gender issues?
Yes, yes. I concur–what a hilarious and wonderfully thoughtful post.
(And why doesn’t it surprise me that Tim has edited his share of bathroom graffiti? Me, I never have a pen handy, unfortunately…)
Latrinalia has got to be the best word ever. It has all the stank, dirty connotations required of such a subject. As for the “grout” meme, I’ve seen that all over a restroom in a bar in Oakland/Berkeley (I think?). The Tears for Fears is my fav.
I never would have thought that bathroom graffitti was worthy of more than an errant spray or two of pee, but I can now appreciate it in all its beauty. Thanks Scotty, This is going to change my experience in public restrooms going forward. And you can take that any way you want.
#17 & 18: I took “metta” to be kind of like “hott.”
#23: Miller! where have you been?
Given everyone’s enthusiasm, we should have the next Grout Whatsit convention in Fresh Salt’s restroom.
I hate to break it to you, but that’s one meticulously kept bathroom. No writing allowed. I’ve even told certain friends they’d better damn well aim their pee directly in the toilet.
There’s a crowbar behind the bar for anyone who dares to break the house rules.
TGW! I moved to Long Beach a few months ago and haven’t had internet until today. Now I’ll hopefully be able to stop by a bit more often. I missed you guys.
Miller, you don’t mean Long Beach, CA, right? That would be too crazy.
Miller, Jeremy and I have a present from you from Trixie. Stop by our office any time to get it. I bet you can guess what it is.
Miller – there is some literature on gender differences, and there seems to be very little difference between latrinalia in men’s or women’s rooms. Really, it all depends on the location, the patrons, and the ‘house rules.’ Barthalme and Snyder, “Is It Philosophy or Pornography? Graffiti at the Dinosaur Bar-B-Que,” The Journal of American Culture 27, No. 1 (March 2004) 86-98, has a good discussion of gender differences in a particular location. I don’t really remember any other articles that go into a great deal of detail on gender issues though, sorry. Maybe the Stocker, et. al. I mentioned before, but that’s about it. I’m sure there’s some out there, but latrinalia is really very tangential to my own research (on street art and the Splasher group). I read up on latrinalia largely because the earliest claims about graffiti on the street employ psychological arguments similar to claims made by Kinsey and others about latrinalia (transference, latent homosexuality, repression, etc.).
Thanks to everyone for their comments agrout my comment. Again, great post Scotty.
Swells… I’m so excited! I always mean to stop by your office, just to say hi and catch up, but now I must. Thank you in advance, Trixie!
Scotty… I do mean Long Beach, CA. I go to CSULB and had been commuting from HB, but now I have my own little studio in the LB, which I am in love with. I’m walking distance from Cocorenos and their life altering mushroom tacos. Everything is great.
I work at a juvenile probation department, and have always been amazed that in the sixty years of this organization (thousands of kids through our doors), there has never been ANY latrinalia in the probation department restrooms. The paint on the stalls is original and unmarked (and nope, nothing on the tiled wall or written in the grout). In the detention cells, graffiti is a regular occurrence.
I was about nine years old, at a park restroom in Lake Chelan (WA), when I first read the old standyby- “here I sit all broken hearted, tried to shit but only farted’; it had a sad face next to it :(
One of the best posts I’ve read, lately. Thanks.
And, as a late contributor, I have a much less intellectual book to offer: It’s a little book called The Porcelain God Speaks.
Much like leaving a massive turd for all to see, the bathroom poet knows he has a captive audience and may love their crap
An observation: women’s bathroom Latrinalia experiments do not work well when a dry erase marker is used because the janitors are likely to erase everything at night and take the marker with them.