Dear Cedric

Dear Cedric,

When I’m having sex at the gym, should I do it before or after my workout?

Jake G.

Dear Jake,

This question has been plaguing humanity for thousands of years. But modern medicine has finally given us important answers.

First, sex is about raw strength. The stronger your beloved sex muscle—the pubococcygeus—the better it functions. What does that mean? For you and other men: higher erection angle, increased ejaculation distance and volume, and higher sexual stamina. For women: higher stamina and increased vaginal strength and control. The well-known Kegel exercises specifically strengthen your pubococcygeus muscle. General exercise provides similar benefits.

But more than just strengthening muscles, exercise can prime your body’s sexual response. A study done by Cindy Meston, Ph.D., at the University of Texas at Austin, measured women’s sexual response to exercise. Participants stuck a photopleysmograph into their vaginas and measured their arousal level as they watched a porno. Then Dr. Meston repeated the study after making the women perform intense exercise for twenty minutes. She found that immediately post-exercise, the women’s arousal levels were increased compared to no exercise. The results are thought to be similar in men. That’s great evidence for post-workout sex.

Of course, beyond the physical, there’s the psychological. Working-out pumps up your muscles to a ripe and plump state, giving you confidence and providing visual stimulation to you and your partner. Your self-esteem can increase post-workout, leading to hotter encounters.

Pre-workout sex can present a social problem to some seekers: a “gym slut” reputation. Mind you that gyms aren’t necessarily sex clubs. And in the hierarchy of appropriate gym sex, post-workout sex is preferable. Post-workout sex gives the pretext that you’re actually there to work out, not cruise. Sex becomes a happy “coincidence.” On the contrary, pre-workout sex includes people at the gym cruising with no intention of working out. That behavior is sometimes considered needy and unattractive to many sexual partners, diminishing your desirability and experience.

In summary, Jake, modern medicine and science can finally give firm evidence that post-workout sex is best. Get exercising.

Dear Cedric,

I haven’t had a stool for three days. Am I gross?

Heath L.

Dear Heath,

We all get excited about our bowels and count and measure our movements. Studies have shown that normal stooling is anywhere from three times a day to once every three days. Some people take a dump even more or less frequently and are still considered normal.

As doctors, we become concerned when a person’s baseline stooling changes. That change can occur from medicines, changes in activity, transient illness, dietary factors, anal play, hemorrhoids, or infection.

Anytime you note a chronic change in stooling you should see your doctor, who can examine you by sticking an instrument like a finger, swab, barium enema, retractor, dilator, anoscope, sigmoidoscope, colonoscope, or ultrasound probe into your bottom.

12 responses to “Dear Cedric”

  1. Dear Cedric,

    By any chance are you related to Rex Morgan, M.D.?

    Love your column.

  2. Riptide says:

    Our brokeback golfing doctors in Rex Morgan (yes, I believe Cedric is related by blood) have taken the double entendre to an absurd extreme. There is not a single frame in the last 3 weeks that is not gay, gay, gay.

  3. Shar says:

    I love Dr. Cedric’s column (!), can we send in questions?

  4. G-Lock says:

    This is my obligatory gush comment. Dr. Cedric, you’re brilliant. Informative AND fun. Like a naughty episode of “Sesame Street.”

  5. Cedric Cedarbrook, MD says:

    Thanks for your support, gentle readers. As always, you may write me directly at The Great Whatsit with questions for “Dear Cedric”. Regrettably, due to the overwhelming amount of mail I receive, I may not always be able to answer your specific question in my column. For urgent matters, please call 911 or seek help from your local health professional.

  6. Slightly Flumoxed says:

    Dear Cedric,

    I too am a devotee.

    But I’m slightly flumoxed by your advice for the gym-sex portion of my workout to take place after the sweaty part. True, both parts of the workout may induce perspiration, granted, but I prefer my sex get-on to occur with freshly showered and powdered bodies. Also, I’ve always found something erotic in flacidity, and “gym sluts,” in my way of thinking, are good people, too. Am I weird? Should I be concerned?

    Till later,
    concerned, but not entirely sweating it,

    Slightly Flumoxed

  7. trixie says:

    i feel concerned too, as i greatly enjoy the act of watching ladies shaving in the shower after a good workout. am i bad? is it better to pursue the hirsuite?

  8. Trixie Honeycups says:

    dammitt i am not allowed to change my spelling…i should have known better…,

  9. William the Conqueror says:

    Doc C—

    U R good. Just wondering. Would 1x/wk be 2 much for you??? Some of us can’t get enuf….

    Note to Jorge: I know you’re reading this. Lookee, garlic is a no-no that OSpice BWash can NEVER absolve!!! (Your crunch is still the cutest…. ;) Luv the abs!!) BTW, thanx for the turn-on ;) to doc C. FAB!!!

    William the Conqueror

  10. William the Conqueror says:

    BTW, S Flumoxed–flumoxed is actually flummoxed, and flacidity is actually flaccidity. But good question still! :) Nuthin 2 bad w/flaccid!!

    ConquerWilliamBaby! Yeah!!!

  11. William the Conqueror says:

    Good catch, Trixie!!!

  12. nikki. says:

    hello cedric.