One-stop shopping for your xmas list!

Falling behind on your holiday gift shopping? Avoid the mall, spurn the gift cards, save your precious time: these gifts are all you need to please even the most persnickety of friends and relations!

1. Who doesn’t love a holiday sweater? Especially one from a site called


2. Who hasn’t dreamed of a gang tour of Los Angeles? As described in the LA Review of Books, this tour, led by ex-gang members, takes customers on a tour of South Central LA. Tourguides describe graffiti tags, the Watts Towers, the LA County Jail, all while telling stories from their own experiences on the streets. Brilliant entrepreneurial stroke or sick marketing ploy? You be the judge.


3. For the Russophile in your life – a genuine Raketa watch! The greatest proof yet that Russia is embracing capitalism with vigor: original Raketa watches used to cost the equivalent of about five bucks. Now, you can have an original throwback watch for the low, low, introductory price of 200 Euros!

4. For the cretins on your list who don’t like any of the above, there’s always good old-fashioned sugar! With Twinkie production a thing of the past, you’ll have to turn to eBay for that delightful sponge cake and creamy filling. Right now, you can get a 10-pack of Twinkies for only a thousand bucks! Proceeds benefit those affected by Hurricane Sandy, so you don’t even have to feel guilty!

Merry Chrismas, everyone! Happy shopping!

3 responses to “One-stop shopping for your xmas list!”

  1. Marsha Gutelman says:

    Jason, is that you in the first picture? Honey, it’s your Aunt Marsha. Thank you for wearing the sweater I sent you against my better judgement. Just because your mother married that shaygetz doesn’t mean I have to break down and send you a Christmas present, even when you ask for something specific and especially when it has some hidden meaning that I don’t understand. Anyway, it still does my heart good to see you getting some use out of something I give you (not like you ever once used the Encyclopedias I gave you for your Bar Mitzvah). All the same, when you pose for holiday pictures, would it kill you to put on a nice pair of pants? Something without holes, maybe?

  2. Bryan says:

    Oh, thanks for these. And #1? Comment of the month, if not the year. I hope Aunt Marsha stays around.

  3. FPS says:

    I am invited to an ugly sweater party on Saturday. Do people keep ugly sweaters around for just such occasions? I’m thinking of just wearing the sweater I’m knitting, which by Saturday will be an entire sweater minus one arm. That’s kind of ugly, right? Maybe I’ll wear it all day and if anyone asks, I’ll just wearily say “it’s a long story.”