I believe that children are our future. This is not a good thing.

I had to watch in 1-minute intervals and I missed a lot of it because the part of my brain that processes language would periodically blow a fuse out of some self-preservation instinct and I would stop understanding the words. If you can watch the whole thing at a stretch without dying of vicarious embarrassment, I owe you a beer.*


*Void where prohibited.

21 responses to “I believe that children are our future. This is not a good thing.”

  1. lane says:

    i want that beer…

    wow, andover!… i liked old america when you didn’t know what you were missing.

    i’m sure they are all very nice people. people at that level are usually pretty nice, they pay others to be mean for them.

    i had a dealer once that was an andover grad, he was nice.

    nice people those upper crust ones. they get better as they start wearing Tom Ford and stop wearing Ralph Lauren…

    WHAT! WHAT the hell are any of us supposed to say!… NO my parents weren’t motivated to give me “The Best!”… they didn’t even know it was a possibility! Oh sure “this boy’s life” “bootstraps” and all that… sure, I was lazy, fine.

    KS went to a private school… She went to the Andover of Ogden!… KS, tell us about how special private school kids are!?!?!

  2. SG says:

    I made it through, but only because of your challenge. I did, however, start to experience a tightness in my chest and a shallowness of breath after about 3 minutes in.

    I was especially troubled by the term “need-blind.”

    I blame Glee for this atrocity.

  3. Tim says:

    Couldn’t. Make. It. Through.

    I had to keep reminding myself that violence is not the solution to my problems with these people.

    Also, I felt like a sorely losing contestant on “You Think You’re Better Than Me?”

  4. lane says:

    and like marge simpson once reminded us. “the rich really ARE better than us!”

    scuse me while i go take in that Tom Ford suit of mine…

  5. lane says:

    and what the fuck am i talking about MY kid goes to a private school. the andover or ft. greene brooklyn… YEAH! god i bet parents just FUCKING LOVE THAT PLACE!

  6. John Wood says:

    Tried watching, but it caused my wife to go into labor…

  7. John Wood says:

    okay, took my baby-mama to the hospital and came back home to finish watching…

  8. John Wood says:

    the best part:
    The teachers/administrators are just as into it as the students. so sincere.

    the worst part:
    This was someone’s senior thesis.

  9. Tim says:

    #6-7: Best commenting sequence ever

  10. F. P. Smearcase says:

    Glee is probably to blame. This is probably true.

    What I wonder about the first 15 seconds is whether the guy just can’t sing in tune to save his life or whether they just thought autotune was THE BEST THING EVER.

    No beer for you, John Wood. I said all in once stretch!

  11. J-Man says:

    John Wood: really? For reals? Give Lisa a kiss for me when she’s not busy cursing you out ;)

  12. Tim says:

    J-Man, I think the “and came back home to finish watching…” part tips his hand that he’s joking.

  13. k-sky says:

    Yale did one of these before Glee had taken over the world. I think those kids grew up on High School Musical.

  14. Dave says:

    I feel like such an old fogey for cringing at the de-linking of form and content.

  15. LP says:

    OK, I just watched the whole thing. And I’m so confused. Is this for real? For realz? Wow…

    I think I’m confused partly because I can’t decide if, as a high-schooler, I would have wanted to join in this project, or if I would have smirked at it. Probably the former. But I was unusually earnest as a teenager. Seriously, THIS MANY kids and teachers thought this was a great idea? In super-snarky 2011?


  16. LP says:

    I’ll take that beer now, Smearcase.

  17. F. P. Smearcase says:

    Thank god for the “void where prohibited” clause. Prohibited everywhere, by me! I’m not buying all you people beers! What do I look like, Warren Buffett?!

  18. LP says:

    If you were a “Phillippian,” you would probably have tons of money by now.

  19. F. P. Smearcase says:

    That’s not the point of PA! Did you not watch?!

    There’s so much weird language stuff going on in the song, like could you not have somehow thought of a less vexed locution? Though I googled “unbeknown” and apparently it is a word.

  20. Dave says:

    They call themselves “Phillippians”? Like in the New Testament? (If “unbeknownst” is a word, which it certainly is, I don’t see an objection to “unbeknown”.)

    I admit I made it through like a minute of this thing is all. I really think the basic problem is form versus content. The big arm gestures, the pained expressions and angry tones of voice — well, I guess not angry, really, but tough, “hard” — combined with lyrics about academic excellence or whatever. And the teachers put more into it than the students, which is even more cringe-inducing. You teach at fucking Andover. You are not hard, and you have no grievances that warrant that pained expression or that swagger.

    Mannerism. The Neo-Mannerist age started in the ’70s, I think, and we’re condemned to seeing it through.

  21. FPS says:

    I don’t doubt it; I’ve just never heard it without the “st” and don’t know quite what purpose the pair would serve. While vs. whilst is not wholly a stylistic or geographic distinction, though I don’t much know about amid vs. amidst, among vs amongst. Whatever it means, unbeknown gets 983,000 google hits to unbeknownst’s 3,890,000, and the former doesn’t make it through spellcheck without a red line. I’m surprised at the almost million hits for a word I’ve never heard used.

    “Though to the masses unbeknown
    This school is more than a stepping stone.”

    Maybe one thing I’m stumbling over is that unbeknownst is, I think, always used with “to” and “unbeknown” here seems to be a fill-in for “unknown” that meets a prosodic need. If one were hellbent on saying “uknown to the masses” in a line of iambic trimeter and rhyming with “stepping stone,” there are other ways to do it. “Though known to the elite alone.” “Though to the masses still/quite unknown.”

    But yes, fine, form is the problem. On that count, braces do not contribute to hardness or swagger. Nor halter tops. But, right, maybe worst of all: unidiomatic iterations of the bringing-one’s-arms-in-from-the-side gesture, with the occasional embellishment of gang signs.