Get your Middleton on again!

When you read this I have no doubt you’ll be sitting in your best dressing gown with a glass of Dom Perignon, removing your rollers and oohing and aahing over Kate’s dress.

So if you’re not watching on BBC America where there are no commercial breaks, you’ll have time to test your knowledge with these…answers to be provided by the Anglophile LP who saw Prince Charles when she was 7 or thereabouts and still hasn’t recovered.

1.    Prince William has five names. What is his full name?

A.   William Arthur Philip Louis Windsor

B.   Bonnie Prince William Louis Windsor

C.   William Hertfordshire Lindsey Buckingham Windsor IV

D.   William Clyde Barksdale Spencer Windsor

Hint: Answer (c) may or may not be correct

2.    Kate Middleton is a:

A.   Commoner

B.   Duchess

C.   Marquess

D.   Transvestite

3.    Wills first fell for Kate at a:

A.   Polo match

B.   Al-Anon meeting

C.   Physics lecture at St. Andrews University

D.   Lingerie show

hubba hubba

4.    Who of the following is NOT buried at the site of the royal wedding, Westminster Abbey:

A.   Laurence Olivier

B.   Alfred Hitchcock

C.   Isaac Newton

D.   Charles Darwin

5.    William’s best man is:

A.   His racist grandfather, Prince Philip

B.   His philandering uncle, Prince Andrew

C.   His philandering father, Prince Charles

D.   His swastika-wearing-at-a-costume-party brother, Prince Harry

6.    Which of the following were NOT among the 1,900 in attendance at the wedding?

A.   Elton John

B.   Openly gay Welsh rugby star Gareth Thomas

C.   Spice Girl Victoria Beckham

D.   Sarah Ferguson


7.    Kate Middleton’s younger sister’s nickname is:

A.   Pippa

B.   Flippa

C.   Bo-bippa

D.   Banana fana fo-flippa


8.    Six hundred people are invited to Buckingham Palace following the wedding. Chefs have prepared the following for the reception:

A.   2400 pigs-in-blankets

B.   1200 lamb “lollipops”; guests will be reprimanded if they take more than two

C.   400 glasses of champagne and 200 cups of strong black tea

D.   10,000 canapes

9.    Prince William has chosen a wedding cake made of:

A.   Jellybeans

B.   Love

C.   Bitterness

D.   Cookies


16 responses to “Get your Middleton on again!”

  1. lane says:

    this is really cute! thanks!

  2. Tim says:

    LOL! I LOL’d.

    I’m pretty sure 7 is d. She’s not into the whole brevity thing.

  3. Rachel says:

    Exactly where I cracked up so much that I spilled my coffee. Thanks, Stella!

  4. lane says:

    u know, this came up on FB. Prince Harry, while I’m sure a total shit in real life, gets my vote for “world’s funnest life.” And he just seems to be enjoying himself so much being that little shit that he surely is.

    He’s the new Fergie? no?

  5. LP says:

    Friends, the answers are these: 1:A … 2:A … 3:D … 4:B … 5:D … 6:D … 7:A … 8:D … 9:D. Stella hired me to ghostwrite the quiz, as she had to go to sleep very early in order to get up for the festivities. She is no doubt still dabbing at her eyes with a lace hanky and sipping sherry to calm herself after the excitement!

  6. Ivy says:

    Re 3: not so much a lingerie show as a fashion show where she just happened to show her knickers… but however.

  7. Stella says:

    And thank you to my ghostwriter, Lisa Parrish, without whom this would not have been possible.

    And my sincerest thanks to the British monarchy for the biggest campest spectacle I can remember.

    Hats off to Eugenie and Beatrice for being the mad hatters with Philip Treacy creations, which is sort of awesome if you’re going to sit directly behind the Queen and Prince Philip…couldn’t someone tell Eugenie that just cause it’s Vivienne Westwood doesn’t mean that a floral electric suit with blue ribbons is going to do you any favors:,,20395222_20485864_20943755,00.html

  8. J-Man says:

    Did anybody else notice that when Kate and Wills were riding around in the carriage after the ceremony, everytime he saluted, Kate would put her head down? Who was he saluting to? Is the putting-the-head-down the female version of a salute?

  9. J-Man says:

    Stella – that abomination is Vivienne Westwood? Ack. I do believe Viv’s lost her touch.

  10. Stella says:

    Right? She spent the 80s destroying that look and now she’s creating it..or maybe she’s so fashion forward we won’t get it for another 20 years…?

  11. Toots says:

    Eugenie and Beatrice looked like the ugly stepsisters. Not even Disney could not have created more over-the-top caricatures!

  12. lane says:

    and did you read the titles the queen picked out for them… there were 3. the duke and duchess of cambridge, a second one, but the third one?!? what and where is that?

  13. lane says:

    Earl of Strathearn and Baron of Carrickfergus

    that’s it! Carrickfergus! great name!

  14. PB says:

    Lane I totally thought you had made that up.

  15. lane says:


    what is all that peerage stuff? That’s such a weird part, and interesting part of British Culture. 1000 years of monarchy. Tradition.

    So when the queen gives you a title does the city then think of that royal as like their mascot? So WIlls and Kate are now the cheerleaders of these three places? LIke they go to school events and stuff like that?

    Do people in those towns get happy cause he’s their duke?

    And why if Charles is the Duke of Windsor how come Camilla is the Duchess of Cornwall? Wasn’t Diana stripped of her HRH status?

    And are the people of York pissed cause they got stuck with Fergie? The Duchess of Weight Watchers?