A Quick Note on the Oscars

Who has Oscar fever? I sure do. My face is red, I feel woozy and sweaty and I’m having trouble standing. The doctors keep telling me it’s due to total dehydration and a general disregard for my own personal health and hygiene, but really, I know the truth. It’s the Oscars!

You see, the Academy Awards are a religious experience for me. I pray to a golden, bald-headed deity named Oscar. My church? The Kodak Theater. And when the film I want doesn’t win? Violent flagellation! It’s all in the name of fun. And Xenu.

Here’s a tip for your Oscar pool. Under every category, cross out the nominees listed and write in your own name. Because no matter what happens at the Oscars this year, you will be a winner. Boom, you’re welcome. Seriously, how can you not be a winner, when the greatest actors in the world ever, Anne Hathaway and James Franco are hosting? I’m not even joking, I literally just threw up with excitement while writing out their names. Is that blood? Yup, that’s blood. Boy, I must be really excited!

Now let’s talk about throwing your own Oscar Party. First rule of Oscar Party is: have fun with it! How do you do that? Costumes. Dress as your favorite nominee! For example, this year I will be dressing as Mark Stoeckinger, nominee for best sound effects editing for the film Unstoppable! Once you’ve got your costume all set, it’s time to think about menus! What will your guests want to eat? As far as I can tell, there’s nothing more delicious than movie-themed food. This year’s menu has a Jack Nicholson motif!

ACADEMY AWARDS 2011 MENU

“AS FOOD AS IT GETS”

APPETIZER

Popcornal Knowledge

 

MAIN COURSE

Prizzi’s Doner (lamb kebab)

OR

Five Cheesy Pieces (of pizza)

 

DESSERT

Terms of Endear Mint Chocolate Chip Ice Cream

 

Anyway, just wanted to share that with you! Make sure you tune into the Oscars this Sunday. And please let me know what your Oscar traditions are!

12 responses to “A Quick Note on the Oscars”

  1. k-sky says:

    Ooh, if anyone wants in to the oscar pool email me via the linked website. $10 via paypal, ballots due today. You could win! Usually around two dozen entries.

  2. Tim says:

    Love the menu, but no REDRUM Punch?

  3. Christian says:

    For tips on how to dress like Supervising Sound Editor Mark Stoeckinger, you can find him here:
    http://www.soundelux.com/StaffDetailBio.aspx?StaffID=25

    Hope you have a great Oscar party. :)

  4. Hollywood Shuffle says:

    My Oscar celebration ritual includes shaking my fist at the street closures and resulting gridlocking traffic jams. Also, staying home and grumbling, “The Oscars? Whatever.”

  5. Andrew says:

    Redrum punch! That’s a good one…

  6. Tim says:

    Not nearly as good as “popcornal knowledge”, Andrew, but thank you.

    @Hollywood Shuffle: So true. The gridlock has already begun.

  7. Andrew says:

    One Flew Over the Couscous Nest.

  8. Andrew says:

    The Sandwiches of Eastwick.

    Sorry, these are just fun.

  9. swells says:

    You should call in a delivery order to Chinatown, because The Postman Always Brings Rice. (or Heartburn). Andrew, yer killin me. Couscous nest! The closest I ever came to any of this was when I once threw an Oscar party and someone brought a cake on which he had meticulously piped the words “Saving Private Dumbass.”

  10. Hollywood Shuffle says:

    You guys are hilarious! Do you have an agent?

  11. SG says:

    Don’t forget to “get yer motor runnin'” on a cheese slider.

  12. SG says:

    I mean cheesy slider.