I’m not going to try to summarize you. You were a year of ups and downs, like any year. But as you prepare to hand the baton to 2011 as we continue this relay race of life, I had a couple of things to say. First of all, I’m scared to even write the words Four Loko and Double Down in the same sentence because it might cause heart problems to the readers. You released both in the same year? Damn 2010, that’s ballsy. Also, you had both Glenn Beck and Jon Stewart rallying in Washington this year. Who had a bigger turnout? According to my friends who were there? Jon Stewart. According to my grandfather? Glenn Beck. I guess we’ll never know.
You were a year that gave comebacks to Betty White and Conan O’Brien. But you also gave comebacks to 3-D movies and bedbugs. There were sex scandals for some of America’s most beloved athletes! Tiger Woods and Brett Favre! So surprising! And Ricky Martin was gay? Not as surprising. Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell was repealed! Prop 8 was overturned! Seriously 2010, make up your mind! Man-made tragedies and natural disasters. iPads and Toyota brake pad recalls. Increased and invasive security measures, and thwarted terrorist attempts. Lost ended. Outsourced started. The Jet Blue guy! Hurricane Earl! Elena Kegan is signed in! Rahm Emanuel leaves! Christine O’Donnell! Chilean Miners! Wikileaks! George W. Bush wrote a book! LARRY KING IS GONE! THE YOGI BEAR MOVIE! WILL SMITH’S CHILDREN ARE TALENTED! DOUBLE RAINBOW! AGHHHHH!
Alright, I might have tried to summarize you, 2010. Anyway, as much as New Year’s Eve is a celebration of the year to come, it is also a celebration of a year that was. Tonight, I will gather with my friends and loved ones and sing a song that I still, after twenty-eight years, don’t know the words to, and toast you, 2010. You weren’t great, but you weren’t all bad either. It’s the holidays, and tonight I hope we all party like this guy:
P.S. Four Loko is actually kind of awesome.