I know you’ve all seen the ads for the pink tool sets–that are supposed to make a woman feel less dykey, I guess, if she needs to swing a hammer? Maintain her feminine delicacy and freshness like the flower petal she is, despite that screwdriver in her perfectly manicured hand making her feel like she has a mustache?

Ladies, we all know what it’s like to feel like our womanhood is being threatened when we have to use one of those products that isn’t made especially for us and our very special, diminutive, darling little needs. I know the last time I needed earplugs, the ones I found at my local drugstore where I normally go to purchase my notions and unmentionables only came in a very masculine neon green color. I was so embarrassed! I was afraid someone might think I was a MAN!

Luckily, I had the good sense (call it woman’s intuition?) to look elsewhere until I found just what I was looking for, shaped just for my itty witty ears, to preserve the maidenhead of my sacred femininity: