Overheard in the Bar at Chili’s:
A: Did you see that movie, “Zombieland”?
B: No.
A: It’s really funny.
B: I hate Zombies.
A: Why?
B: You can’t kill them. They just keep coming. They can’t die because they are already dead.
A: You can cut off their heads or blow them up.
C: Or what if they run out of human flesh or brains and stuff, don’t they die then?
B: But that’s just it, they can’t die a second time, they are already dead. And if you cut off their heads, their bodies keep moving. It creeps me out. I like monsters I know how to kill.
A: You kill werewolves with a silver bullet.
C: You kill vampires by driving a stake through their heart.
A: I thought you had to rip them up and burn all the pieces?
B: Only in “Twilight.” In real life you use the stake when they are sleeping.
A: I thought they never slept?
B: Stephanie Meyer just made that up.
A: Oh. How do you kill Frankenstein?
B: He’s like a normal person. You can just shoot him or stab him or something.
C: He is super strong, though.
B: You can still kill him pretty easy. You can’t kill Zombies.
A: But they did in “Zombieland.”
B: Maybe that was made up too, like “Twilight.”
C: What about mummies?
B: You have to reverse the curse.
C: Oh, yeah.
A: Reverse the curse.
B: Yeah.
C: You think all those slasher-psycho guys like Jason are monsters?
A: Yeah, like that Freddy guy with those long nails and shit? He is definitely a monster.
B: I’ve never seen that movie, but I don’t think crazy humans count as monsters, even if they act like them.
A: That Freddy guy looks like a Zombie.
C: If you read that Zombie book you would know how to kill Zombies. You know the one, How to Kill Zombies.
B: Maybe I should read it. But Zombies still creep me out.
Well PB, you may mock the idea of a ZOMBIE ATTACK, but some very serious minds take that kind of thing very seriously…
Check out the calculus model for surviving such a situation: http://mysite.science.uottawa.ca/rsmith43/Zombies.pdf
Thank you so much, Pandora–I’ve been really confused about which strategies work in real life, and this really clears it up for me. What a relief!
They have a bar at Chili’s?
Nice touch, tagging this post as “philosophy.” This is the kind of philosophy class in college I might actually have done well in!
“In real life…”
Too good.
If they threw some zombies into the Bible now and again maybe religion wouldn’t be so boring.
On the 8th day, the Zombies ate Adam…
Zombiedom and Gomorrah. That would have been cool.
Ask me about my zombie shirt.
If they threw some zombies into the Bible now and again
They’re there. You just need to know where to look.
Hint: anyone dead who rises.
Lazarus!!!!!
(I would just like to say that if I have inspired any connection between the Bible and Zombies – I have fulfilled my destiny.)
And yes, I hear my best material in the bar at Chili’s. And I love southwest egg rolls. In real life.
Wait, that means . . . Jesus is a zombie?!?!?
Let’s make a list:
1) Rose from the dead? Check
2) *Just* will *not* die? Check
3) Eats brains? Check
Spooky.
Confirmed here.
Tim — I somehow thought only the disciples at brains. (Or anyway human flesh)
at s/b ate
“This is my blood; drink of it. This is my brains; eat of it.”
“I tell you the truth, unless you eat the brains of the Son of Man and drink his blood, you have no life in you”
TMK – His disciples have had their brains eaten. Who do you think ate them?